If I Only Had a Heart

I would like to open tonight's post with a line from my favourite song just now (Squealing Pigs by Admiral Fellow): "it's that sinking feeling of being alone". And as I write this post on Valentine's night itself I feel a little bit like I'm sinking. Last night's post holds firm with no exceptions but there is a distinct feeling of being left out that seem all the more potent at this time of year. I had a really good day today for whatever reason. I was happier than I usually am, fooling around and laughing more than I would usually on a normal Tuesday and I'm not really sure why. I think I was feeling good after getting last night's post off of my chest because it all had to be said but now I sit here on my own wondering if there is a single drop of passion left in me. I'm hopefully going to find that out in the next 20 minutes or so.

Satisfaction not Guaranteed

It was the longest holiday, it was the shortest holiday. It was the best holiday, it was the worst holiday. It the holiday of success, it was the holiday of failure. In short it was the holiday that I always thought that it was going to be - and there is still another week left of it. I actually feel a little bit daft opening my post like that because, as the more learned readers amongst you will have noticed, it is in the form of the opening to the Dickens book 'A Tale of Two Cities': a book that I've never read before but for a short period of time had memorised the famous opening. When I look back on little things like that from previous holidays (such a frivolous past-time only came a few summers ago) it makes me think how much time I've wasted and how much time I continue to waste as well. Even as I sit here, fighting through an almost palpable bowt of writer's block, I can't decide if I'm using my time well or not.

My Favourites: A Lesson Well Learned

I've only got a couple more days to pick out some gems from my blogging back-catalogue and for that I'm a little sad. As I said in yesterday's post, I've really enjoyed looking back into the past at what I've been thinking and feeling about certain things and how I've interpreted them. It's interesting from the point of view that I might interpret various things in different ways now and I might have different ways of dealing with things on the whole. Today's choice popped into my head this afternoon before I even had even sat down this evening to choose a favourite for this evening. In fact it's in my head pretty much all of the time which is testament to just how much of a change it indicated in me. The post in question was the one when I got back from a tutorial early last year to realise that I had just made a massive break through both in confidence and productivity. I can still remember that day as if it was yesterday and the thing that I learned still crosses my mind every time I pass through the door into a tutorial room.

For those of you that are lacking a little confidence or just aren't getting enough out of university, I suggest you take heed from my epiphany from this time last year: 
http://roateenager.blogspot.com/2011/01/eureka-new-way-to-learn.html

Cheers everyone!

Martin

Wounds That Might Not Heal

The sad reality of life is that you have to witness or suffer loss before you can truly appreciate what you have. I wrote in my last post about 'reality' and the pitfalls of ignoring it but I suppose when it's sad and negative it's often very tempting to turn a blind eye to it. The inspiration for today's post (even though it's a bit crass to be inspired by this) is the fact that the 10 year anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks is in a few days time. There have been lots of programmes on the TV this week and the newspapers have been packed with pictures and stories which are as harrowing as they are important. I've read a few of the stories of survivors, people that lost family and friends in the attacks and of course the rescue personnel and each of them pulled at my heart strings. Some of the pictures that have been brought back into the media is recent weeks speak a thousand words and then some more - still images that will be burned into the memories of victims and onlookers alike. If there is one thing that I've learned in the past week from all of the coverage of the anniversary is that the wounds from 9/11 will take many year to heal.

Thought Provoking

With only being able to post once last week I've been thinking about something new that I could do for this week that will quench to almost palpable thirst for posts that I can sense from my readers. The thing that I've come up with almost seems like a contradiction to that because my plan is to write a shorter post with a single line that is sure to get you thinking. So today's post is going to be less than long and might fail to inspire many people but I hope that it hits home with at least a handful of people.

I heard this line a long time ago on a (very) early morning jazz radio program when I was heading on holiday - the reason I was up at that time listening to the radio. I can't quite remember what they were talking about apart from the fact that it was something to do with jazz but it was something that really hit a chord with me and it had me thinking for most of my journey: to feel completely free you must first fully restrict yourself. It was something to do with jazz in the context of the program but I felt that it could apply to life in general. The message I took was that to truly feel the freedom of a holiday or just time off you have to fully commit yourself to the complete opposite, be it university, school or work. Yes everyone enjoys time off from things but it is my feeling that you have to earn that time off by fully restricting yourself first.

Thanks for reading my short but hopefully thought provoking post today!

Martin