Do I Need to go on Holiday Every Time I Need Inspiration? I Certainly Hope Not

When I head away on holiday I always do the same thing whether I am going abroad or just staying in sunny Scotland. I will pack a suitcase or sports bag with clothes and the other essentials then I will get a rucksack or shoulder bag and fill that this with the things that I see as being vital for a holiday. In it I will put books, iPod, chargers etc but there is always something that I will double check that I have in - pens and a notebook. Maybe I am being naive to think that I am in the minority by doing this but I don't believe that many of you will take writing stuff away with you on holiday. Well the proof is in the pudding for this holiday that I am currently on in Rome because the first half of this post is being written with the old pen and paper on my bed in my hotel room after a long day of sightseeing and subsequent inspirations. Maybe this is the kind of thing that makes me slightly different because I believe that we all have something that sets us apart from each other. It might seem a bit weird or, for the want of a better word, 'geeky' but I have the firm belief that if you have a passion for something then there should be no set time or place for it - my passion then is clearly writing.

I'm fascinated to know just what you are thinking right now after that introduction. Not because I am particularly bothered about what people think of me when it comes to this kind of thing but what is your current line of thought? Do you believe that the term 'holiday' means to leave everything that you would do at home there and undertake completely new things for a week or two? Or do you see sense in the way that I do things? I know for a fact that I would be quite lost without this pen and paper that I am using just now. For whatever reason and through no particular choice of my own, I find myself thinking about things to write all the time - even when I don't have paper in front of me. For example I have been sitting on the top of an open-top tour bus for the last couple of days taking in the magnificent sights of Rome and I can't help but be inspired by some of the things that I see. The way that we have gone about every day of this holiday so far is pretty much the way that the people of Rome go about theirs: we go out fairly early in the morning until mid-afternoon and then come back to the hotel to have a 'siesta' after which we go out for dinner and stay out until fairly late. It is that 'siesta' time though when I find myself not being able to sleep or having a few minutes to kill that I am able to write stuff down. I genuinely would love to know if other people do this on holiday or if I am just being different.

What I plan to do for the remainder of the holiday, when I have spare 10 minutes, is to keep writing down little musings and see what I have when I get home. Once I have read through all of the little paragraphs and verses that I have scribbled down in this notebook, I will add the second part of this post to see if I have actually achieved anything. Maybe then I will be able to see if I have wasted time on holiday but right now, sitting on my bed on a particularly humid evening in Rome, I don't feel like I am wasting time at all. I have enjoyed my first few days here immensely and feel that I have missed out on nothing as a result of my persistent urge to write things down - we'll see what happens though.

___________

So that's me been home for two days now and after having typed up my journal entries on the computer and having read all of the other little things that I have written down in my notebook, I am pleased to report that I feel all warm inside. This is of great advantage to me because it's pretty cold back here - in fact it is almost half the temperature that we were getting in Rome which is a pretty huge difference. Anyway back to this so called report that I am supposed to be writing about my holiday notebook. I wrote a few little poems that aren't very good in terms of language but the ideas in them are pretty good, I have made little lists to myself about things that I thought about doing when I got home and I have even put a list of Italian words for me to translate on the computer as well. When I think about it, having a notebook with you all the time (and not just on holiday) is something that maybe I should try more often. It annoys me when people say that they have 'brains like sieves' because everyone sort of struggles with remembering things most of the time. To have a place where you can just quickly jot something down might be the answer for these people. If they believe their brains to be so bad then they should do something to help themselves instead of using the excuse of bad memory.

It might be something important that I will use for the rest of my life because I am sure that there is going to be so much for me to remember both in university and then, if it turns out this way, as a lawyer. And the same goes for thousands of other professions. What I am trying to get at is that we should all carry a notebook or somewhere to write things down when we are out and about. That way we might become much more productive people which can only be a good thing for us all. 

So I urge you the next time you are going on holiday to slip in some paper and pens into your suitcase or hand luggage because there's nothing worse than coming home from a holiday and having nothing to remember your experiences other than photos and these 'sieve brains' we all seem to have been given. If that ends up working for you and you write a few little things down then maybe you could use having one in your everyday life as well. It's just an idea and one that I am sure to write about again in the future - we can't always rely on having a keyboard in front of us now can we?

What a Difference a Week Makes

In light of recent events in my life, I felt it was time for another one of those posts where I just take a step back and take stock of everything that is going on. In the last week I have had my high school prom, visited school for the last time for what could be a very long time and had other changes in my life that really do spell new beginnings. It has been a weird year in that respect because it seems to have passed really quickly but when I look back on it all, there has been at least one vital event a month which has changed my life beyond recognition from what it was before the turn on the year. The biggest thing that has happened to me this year would have to be the offer and subsequent acceptance of a place at university to study law. This time last year I didn't even know what I wanted to do. Now I find myself heading into a course that will define my career and subsequently, the rest of my life. I read about legal affairs when I see then in papers and find myself up on a high horse occasionally when it comes to music downloading and copyrighting (see the bottom of my 'Respect the Buddha' post to see the kind of thing I mean). That kind of thing is just a small example of the kind of changes that I have undergone over the last year and I suspect that it is only the start.

If you have read my previous posts where I have looked at the past and then into the future, you will know that I have enjoyed my time at high school and will look back on my time there fondly for the rest of my life. The best thing about writing those posts a few months ago is that I now notice so many people thinking 'wow I really did enjoy that and how did it end so quickly?' - the same thing I was saying all those weeks ago. It's a question that I too ask myself on occasion and will continue to ask right up until I pack my bags for uni. Where did those years go? Where is everyone going? Will things ever be the same again? I constantly find myself looking for answers to these questions as I think everyone else is as well. This is the best that I have come up with so far: I don't have a clue where those years went; I can't begin to tell you where everyone will end up in 6 months time; I can't say whether everything is going to change as much as the next person can. Not a very concise set of answers there - I think there is going to have to be a lot more searching over the coming months. Maybe you have already found the answers but if not, I challenge you to find them and tell the rest of us because the majority are clueless.

I won't ramble on (despite the title of this blog) about high school because I think that I have written nearly enough about it and to cover it all again might just open up a wound that is slowly healing. I have found that time has been a healer and that writing about my experiences over the last 6 years has been something of a metaphorical Savlon (skin healing cream that I will put on every cut but still believe it to be something of a placebo more than anything). I can't recommend this kind of catharsis highly enough because, as extreme as this sounds, it really has helped me to get through the myriad of feelings that I have encountered over the last few months. When 6th year started I weirdly never thought it would end - do you know what I mean? Looking at the fresh faced bunch that have taken over mine and my peers' mantle as the 'seniors' of the school I look back on that time and it just seems to have been a lifetime ago. The only reason I can come up with for my nonsensical idea of an eternal year at high school is that I didn't have anything after it to think about at the time. Right back at the start there was obviously the presumption that we would all go on to university or college but we never really thought about it in reality. Now the onset of moving away from home and starting a new chapter in our lives is upon us and it could not be more real. If you had told me that this is the way it was going to be last August then I would have told you to stop being stupid and would have asked if you were going to come back for a 7th year - well not really but you get the gist of what I'm saying I hope.

Do you remember in primary school when you were told to underline all of your work in your jotters to make sure that things didn't spill into each other? Well I suppose that we still do that now but it's a subconscious thing that we do because of the number of times we were told to do it back in primary. That is the way that I view the high school prom. At the beginning of the night it just felt a bit like another night out (except that I don't usually wear a kilt when I go out) with a couple of beers and a few good laughs. As the night went on and as the alcohol flowed, it still felt the same way. I was still dancing like an idiot as usual, people were still sprawled all over each other and there was of course a fair amount of Lady Gaga being played by the DJ. But as the night wore on and as speeches were made, it soon became clear that the end was nigh. That last song is one that is slightly fogged by one too many pints but the rendition of 'The Bonny Banks of Loch Lomond' that I shared with my peers and teachers was just an incredible moment for me and will stay with me forever. Looking around the circle as everyone joined together for one last time I saw all of the faces that I have grown up with, some for 6 years some for as long as 13 and that was the end for me. Not when everyone was milling around in tears saying "don't forget me" and "promise to keep in contact". For me that was emotionally horrible and far too saddening to be a fitting end to our high school careers so in my books we all went home after that last song and not a single tear was shed.

As for those 'other changes' that I have undergone recently well they are just as important as the main one of finishing high school. They are so important in fact, that I am not going to tell you what they are! Some people know about some of the changes and there are others that nobody knows about but I can say that they have all been massively positive for me and long may they continue. There have been moments recently when I have found myself standing still (not literally because I have either been sitting watching the TV or out sitting in cars for the last few weeks) just waiting for something to change and when it has it's been a great feeling. You'll know what I mean because I'm sure you too will have undergone similar changes as well. I am beginning to feel that if I did a word count to see what word I have used the most in this post then it would be 'change' which is just the way that I am feeling about life just now.

So what are we all destined for now that school is over? The thing that we have counted on and not really thought about as ever ending for 6 years has now gone and now we move onto pastures new. Now we become the young ones again looking up to our elders with respect just like in the first year of high school - except this time we will have a pint in our hand. It's an odd situation that we find ourselves in. It's as if we have gone full circle and now find ourselves back at the start again which is something, when I think about it, that we will probably have to do for the majority of our lives. I don't want to start sounding all philosophical about life because in the grand scheme of things, I really know very little about it all but from what I can see, the biggest changes in our lives have been and now we are pretty much prepared to deal with almost anything that is put in front of us - at least I hope so. Going to university, starting to learn something new (completely new in my case), meeting new people and not forgetting moving away from home for some people are all big things but I feel that we are old enough and ugly enough (speak for yourself I hear you saying) to deal with it all.

There will be more posts like this in the next few months building up to university but I would like to take this chance to wish everyone that I either don't know or am unlikely to see again, the best of luck for the future and success in whatever you choose to do. As for me, well I am just going to get on with it and try not and think about it that much. If there is something that I have learned from my childhood then it would be to not over think things too much. The best example of this the first time I went to Disneyland. I couldn't wait and thought about it all the time in the months leading up to it. By the time it came around, I wasn't nearly as excited as I was when I first found out I was going. Needless to say that when I got there Mickey and Co made me the happiest wee boy in the world but you never know what you are getting until you experience it so there's little point in painting pretty or painful pictures in your head beforehand. I'm not saying don't look forward to the future but don't build yourself up to be let down - another thing I've learned recently.

Thanks again for reading and for those of you that do not fall into the bracket of me not knowing you or not me being likely to see you again, then you aren't rid of me - not by a long shot. They say that you should keep your friends close and your enemies even closer - rubbish. Keep your friends close and don't give your enemies any of your time because without friends what are we?

"I get by with a little help from my friends...I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends" - and so say all of us.

Over and out,

Martin

My Caffeine Dreams

I would like to be able to say that the recent lack of posts has been down to extreme exam preparation or because I was very busy with other important things, but I can't. The last month or so has been an odd time for me with the enevitability of exams that May brings not really hitting home at all - well I should probably say that the week running up to my maths exam was fairly ropey but only because I was beginning to infruiated myself with my incessant procrastination. So what have I been doing with all that time that has stopped me from blogging? Well I am pleased to say that I have mainly been reading for the last month and devouring myself with films that I always have meant to watch but never really found the time for. I believe that is not the worst use of my time but why I couldn't find just an hour in May to put up maybe an exam related post is beyond me: maybe because the exams just weren't such a bit part of my life this year or maybe there was just nothing to write about? Anyway I am back and hopefully this post will rekindle the interest of the few that I could always count on to peruse my posts back in the good old days of posts being published at least every fortnight (the good old days of course just being april).

One of the main constants over the last few months for me has not been revision or anything nearly as important as that but instead something a lot more trivial. It was only about this time a couple of years ago that I actually started to drink coffee but now it has become a habit for me. I will happily drink a few cups of coffee a day, sometimes even extending into 5 or 6 depending on how I feel. Of course this means I am pumping my body up with caffeine which would mean a lot of restless nights at the start of this habit but now it is a very rare night when I can't get to sleep because of it. In fact there are not many nights I can't get to sleep now and I think it might be down to late nights and early, highly caffainated mornings. Now I am sure that you do not want to read about what I drink so I am not going to go on about it but it is from this love of coffee that the inspiration for this post came from. As I said before, I am getting a lot of good sleep at the moment despite how much caffeine I drink. This has therefore provided me with many a dream which I can only link to the fact that I have been drinking coffee. I'll try and keep this short and sweet because some dreams are not worth writing about and there are others which I would rather keep to myself but certainly it's something that has really interested me over the last month or so.

Have you ever heard of lucid dreaming? Well basically it is the art of being able to control what happens in your dreams and to be able to make decisions just like you would if you were awake. Some people can do it naturally but it is also something that you can teach yourself to do with a lot of hard work. I have read quite a lot about this and it is something that I have had the urge to attempt but never really found the motivation to do it. I have been through a lot of phases like this when I have found something that I could teach myself, started it and then put it in the back burner (almost literally because all of those little things like speed reading seemed to have burned away). So I guess that when I had what I thought to be my first 'caffeine dream' I was pretty lucky. I am sitting here not really knowing quite how to describe it actually because there is something indescribable about it. If you have ever had the dream when you fall in your sleep and it wakes you up then I think I am already half way to being able to tell you just what these experiences have been like for me. I have woken up in the past from a dream and felt like it was real but then these dreams that I have been having recently have gone a step up from that. I can remember the words that I say in the dreams and the actions I have taken in them as well. In fact there have been a few occasions when I have been standing in the shower in the morning when I would have to try and convince myself that whatever I dreamt didn't actually happen in real life. The characters that have been in the dreams have always been people that I know so that makes the whole thing seem even more real.

After having a quick gander on google about the effects of caffeine and stimulant drugs of dreams, it seems that instead of making my dreams more lucid, the caffeine is in fact just making me remember my dreams better than before. This suggests to me that I have always been having dreams like that but I have been unable to recollect them once I have woken up. It is an interesting idea that you can be dreaming but be completly unaware of it. Recently I downloaded Sigmund Freud's 'Dream Psychology' in audiobook form (for free of course because I have become quite canny at finding free and legal material as of late) which I have yet to listen to but although it might be a bit of a slog listening to it, it might bring up something that is realated to this pretty cool thing. It's a sad day when one of the most interesting thing in a guys life is the way that he remembers his dreams but then again this is the same guy that sitting writing a blog post fairly early in the morning when he could in fact be in bed. In fact it says a lot when I am currently wide awake because I am already onto my second cup of the day.

To say that I am addicted to caffeine would be far from the truth. Maybe during the first set of exams a couple of years ago when I first took to drinking coffee, I would put an extra spoon of instant into a mug just because it would make me more alert. Now it has become more of a pleasure than the search for a 'hit'. I now make up cefetieres of coffee instead of drinking instant all of the time and can now comfortably taste the difference between different kinds. The proof that I do not drink coffee now for the caffeine is in the fact that I drank decaffeinated for the first time a couple of months ago and really enjoyed it. So I would just like to make sure that you don't think I am a classy addict looking for a buzz now and again!

If you are not bored by this post by now then you must be on something; have you been drinking coffee by any chance? The idea that this post was ever going to be interesting for you to read is one that was really lost on me after writing the first paragraph but I thought that I better follow through with it and try and get myself back into writing again. Maybe nobody will read this post this time, maybe you are going to be the only one but let it be known that I will continue to write in this blog until I find a topic that really interests people. After a month away I am back and doesn't it just feel great. Now, stick the kettle on will you?

Thanks again for reading,

Martin

Wake Me Up Before You Go Go...Please

So as I sit down for yet another cup of strong coffee after a bad nights sleep I wonder if I am missing home. Getting away was something that I pined for a few weeks ago. The idea of getting away for a week to a beautiful wee town on the Fife coast seemed somewhat idyllic to me - and so it still is. Apart from the loss of the vital limb that is a connection to the internet and the fact that I have to stand outside if I want to use my phone, I love it here. The weather has treated me well and the sea air has left me feeling refreshed and revitalised after a period where I was feeling the lethargy that the unrelenting onset of exams seems to always bring for me. I thought that maybe getting away for a while and recollecting my thoughts a little might, in some ways, save me. To a certain extent I believe this has happened but I suppose that once I am back and finding myself trudging through the piles of notes and past papers that waits under my bed I will really know what this break has achieved.

It is an interesting challenge for me since I have no connection to the internet and so this post will not be put online until I get back so this is being written with no knowledge of the day when you guys will first read it. The topic of this post has been one that has simmered under the surface with me for a while. Any time I felt that I could sit down and bash it out, there was a reason that I worried that I would not be able to do it justice and so find myself on the brink of publishing a potentially funny yet rather skimmed view of my feelings on the matter. The topic is a fairly scary one for me to think about and will be one that everyone else will have contemplated at some point of the last few months - moving away from home. It's not something that worries me really, more something that excites me (although it has be said that if something excites me other people generally become scared so hold onto your hats for what could be a rather cathartic post). The main reason that I have not pulled myself up a 'new post' over the last few weeks has been that I am slightly worried that I may make someone depressed or even worse, cry. I am not in the habit of doing so which means that any crying you do from here on in should be about the poor quality of my writing and occasional bad joke. It is weird thought when I look at the different places that the people who I am close to are going. If you took a map of Britain and pin pointed all of the places that everyone you know is going for university then you are bound to realise that it is a massively diverse demographic. It is almost as if we have been getting chewed on for 6 years by high school and now we are being spat out across the nation. Some closer to home could be seen as the big lump of chewy beef that you just can't swallow and has to be slipped onto your plate and then the others - who need to change trains twice or more to get to their new cities - could be seen as a good hard peppercorn, spat like a bullet to a unliked relative at the other end of the table. It's always interesting when I hear people say that students don't chose their universities, they choose them. To a certain extent this can be true. In the unfortunate case when someone does not get offered a place at their first choice but at their second, the university becomes their substitute and so in this case has made up their minds for them. However when someone is lucky enough to get offered a place at more than one establishment that they are interested in then they immediately become the executors of their own future. This may seem to be moving away from the main point of moving from home but in reality it is the essence of the whole thing. I mean does someone decide to move to the furthest university from their homes just to get away? I certainly think not. Their choice is based upon their potential new lifestyles, the academic advantages but most of all there is always the question of 'how easy will it be for me to get home when I need some clothes washed?’ In my case that question occurred to me for a just a moment before the academic advantages of my chosen university became paramount but for some the thought of clean clothes for home is top of their list. Life away from home is always bound to be difficult, mainly because none of us have ever done it before. Personally I have never had to plan dinners, iron clothes, budget or worry about sharing a bathroom with people I don't know. All of these things will soon be a huge part of everyday life for me which indicates a seismic change which will be apparent in most new university student's lives. If I am honest, the comment I made at the start of this paragraph about moving away from home not worrying me is a complete lie. I worry about it every day and will continue to do so right up until it is reality. That, I suppose, is just human nature and is something that I’m sure you can all relate to.

The main reason why this post was going to be difficult to write for me was this - I am going to miss everyone massively. From the idea of knowing everyone’s faces to the simple things like a common room full of the laughter of unheard jokes. People will be going their separate ways in only a matter of months, some destined never to see or hear from each other ever again. I will even miss the people that I don't talk to because what they represent is a feeling of normality and continuity that will be lost as soon as we all walk out of the front doors of our high schools for the last time. I have heard people vowing never to go back again and people saying that they hate the place but, as I have alluded to in previous posts, people are going miss high school like they would a leg. As my head is slightly warped, I am now picturing those who have said to me that they will miss high school trading one of their legs for the right to stay on just for one more year. It’s a disgusting thought that I wish none of you to ever have but, such is the power of writing, you are all now picturing a blood bath in the craft and design department involving band-saws and duck tape. Sorry about that. As not to repeat myself from other posts, I will not list all of the things that I know people will miss but instead I will focus on the biggest one of all. The people that we spend every day of our lives with are the people that have sculpted us (for better or for worse) and are the people that we will miss the most. Surely the occasional bi-weekly email will not replace the day-to-day banter that we all know and love. Never will msn replace the exchange of pleasantries such as hugs (that goes for the guys as well). We think we have made it into a new age where we can keep up appearances with the occasional 'convo' or text but really there is not a thing in the world that can replace face-to-face communication. As I mentioned before, this is a most depressing thought and seems only to be getting darker as the post goes on but fear not for I am here to bring some light to your darkness. Who are these people that you will miss? List in your head the people that you will miss the most when you are away at university and then think about where those people are going and what they are going to study. Think about your current relationship with these people and how they will be affected by this new divide. Now what to do is think of a way to bridge that divide. When can you meet up again? When do these people come home and do they come home at the same time as you? Life away from your closest friends can still retain a certain level of normality. I have seen it with older people I know at university. Even the ones that have come up here from England or over from Ireland have found that life still goes on. You meet new people and then you introduce them to your old friends and they do likewise. Fear not about moving away from friends because if they are true friends then nothing at all will change.

Now just a short bit about the people you go to school with that you don't talk to just now but might one day come across and exchange pleasantries with. These people are surprisingly vital to how you are going to cope with moving to university in my opinion (I know I sound like a bit of an old-hand at all of this but I am speculating more than anything else about this particular point). They may be undesirable to you just now; you may not like them and they may not like you but it is important to realise that you will always have these people in your life. The faces and names may change and the feelings you feel for them may change but they will always be there and will never go away so there is really no need to worry about losing the ones that are currently around you - they are the old models, now bring on new people that you don't talk to.

Thanks for reading. I hope that I did not make you cry and if I did I am sincerely sorry. I'm joking of course because I know that every one that reads this knows all of this stuff and will have come up with their own way of dealing with this inevitability. I just thought that is was a good idea to document it maybe as a reference guide for those days when you get a little down about moving away. The moral of this post I suppose is that there is no point in feeling sad about moving away from all of the people that mean something to you. Make the most of the time that you have with them and don't look back on these next few months and regret anything.

Any comments would be very much appreciated on my Facebook page and even if you only want to object to this post or just heckle me then I'm more than happy to read your thoughts: I would rather you didn't of course because I have tendency to 'laugh out loud' at heckling.

Thanks again,

Martin