In light of recent events in my life, I felt it was time for another one of those posts where I just take a step back and take stock of everything that is going on. In the last week I have had my high school prom, visited school for the last time for what could be a very long time and had other changes in my life that really do spell new beginnings. It has been a weird year in that respect because it seems to have passed really quickly but when I look back on it all, there has been at least one vital event a month which has changed my life beyond recognition from what it was before the turn on the year. The biggest thing that has happened to me this year would have to be the offer and subsequent acceptance of a place at university to study law. This time last year I didn't even know what I wanted to do. Now I find myself heading into a course that will define my career and subsequently, the rest of my life. I read about legal affairs when I see then in papers and find myself up on a high horse occasionally when it comes to music downloading and copyrighting (see the bottom of my 'Respect the Buddha' post to see the kind of thing I mean). That kind of thing is just a small example of the kind of changes that I have undergone over the last year and I suspect that it is only the start.
If you have read my previous posts where I have looked at the past and then into the future, you will know that I have enjoyed my time at high school and will look back on my time there fondly for the rest of my life. The best thing about writing those posts a few months ago is that I now notice so many people thinking 'wow I really did enjoy that and how did it end so quickly?' - the same thing I was saying all those weeks ago. It's a question that I too ask myself on occasion and will continue to ask right up until I pack my bags for uni. Where did those years go? Where is everyone going? Will things ever be the same again? I constantly find myself looking for answers to these questions as I think everyone else is as well. This is the best that I have come up with so far: I don't have a clue where those years went; I can't begin to tell you where everyone will end up in 6 months time; I can't say whether everything is going to change as much as the next person can. Not a very concise set of answers there - I think there is going to have to be a lot more searching over the coming months. Maybe you have already found the answers but if not, I challenge you to find them and tell the rest of us because the majority are clueless.
I won't ramble on (despite the title of this blog) about high school because I think that I have written nearly enough about it and to cover it all again might just open up a wound that is slowly healing. I have found that time has been a healer and that writing about my experiences over the last 6 years has been something of a metaphorical Savlon (skin healing cream that I will put on every cut but still believe it to be something of a placebo more than anything). I can't recommend this kind of catharsis highly enough because, as extreme as this sounds, it really has helped me to get through the myriad of feelings that I have encountered over the last few months. When 6th year started I weirdly never thought it would end - do you know what I mean? Looking at the fresh faced bunch that have taken over mine and my peers' mantle as the 'seniors' of the school I look back on that time and it just seems to have been a lifetime ago. The only reason I can come up with for my nonsensical idea of an eternal year at high school is that I didn't have anything after it to think about at the time. Right back at the start there was obviously the presumption that we would all go on to university or college but we never really thought about it in reality. Now the onset of moving away from home and starting a new chapter in our lives is upon us and it could not be more real. If you had told me that this is the way it was going to be last August then I would have told you to stop being stupid and would have asked if you were going to come back for a 7th year - well not really but you get the gist of what I'm saying I hope.
Do you remember in primary school when you were told to underline all of your work in your jotters to make sure that things didn't spill into each other? Well I suppose that we still do that now but it's a subconscious thing that we do because of the number of times we were told to do it back in primary. That is the way that I view the high school prom. At the beginning of the night it just felt a bit like another night out (except that I don't usually wear a kilt when I go out) with a couple of beers and a few good laughs. As the night went on and as the alcohol flowed, it still felt the same way. I was still dancing like an idiot as usual, people were still sprawled all over each other and there was of course a fair amount of Lady Gaga being played by the DJ. But as the night wore on and as speeches were made, it soon became clear that the end was nigh. That last song is one that is slightly fogged by one too many pints but the rendition of 'The Bonny Banks of Loch Lomond' that I shared with my peers and teachers was just an incredible moment for me and will stay with me forever. Looking around the circle as everyone joined together for one last time I saw all of the faces that I have grown up with, some for 6 years some for as long as 13 and that was the end for me. Not when everyone was milling around in tears saying "don't forget me" and "promise to keep in contact". For me that was emotionally horrible and far too saddening to be a fitting end to our high school careers so in my books we all went home after that last song and not a single tear was shed.
As for those 'other changes' that I have undergone recently well they are just as important as the main one of finishing high school. They are so important in fact, that I am not going to tell you what they are! Some people know about some of the changes and there are others that nobody knows about but I can say that they have all been massively positive for me and long may they continue. There have been moments recently when I have found myself standing still (not literally because I have either been sitting watching the TV or out sitting in cars for the last few weeks) just waiting for something to change and when it has it's been a great feeling. You'll know what I mean because I'm sure you too will have undergone similar changes as well. I am beginning to feel that if I did a word count to see what word I have used the most in this post then it would be 'change' which is just the way that I am feeling about life just now.
So what are we all destined for now that school is over? The thing that we have counted on and not really thought about as ever ending for 6 years has now gone and now we move onto pastures new. Now we become the young ones again looking up to our elders with respect just like in the first year of high school - except this time we will have a pint in our hand. It's an odd situation that we find ourselves in. It's as if we have gone full circle and now find ourselves back at the start again which is something, when I think about it, that we will probably have to do for the majority of our lives. I don't want to start sounding all philosophical about life because in the grand scheme of things, I really know very little about it all but from what I can see, the biggest changes in our lives have been and now we are pretty much prepared to deal with almost anything that is put in front of us - at least I hope so. Going to university, starting to learn something new (completely new in my case), meeting new people and not forgetting moving away from home for some people are all big things but I feel that we are old enough and ugly enough (speak for yourself I hear you saying) to deal with it all.
There will be more posts like this in the next few months building up to university but I would like to take this chance to wish everyone that I either don't know or am unlikely to see again, the best of luck for the future and success in whatever you choose to do. As for me, well I am just going to get on with it and try not and think about it that much. If there is something that I have learned from my childhood then it would be to not over think things too much. The best example of this the first time I went to Disneyland. I couldn't wait and thought about it all the time in the months leading up to it. By the time it came around, I wasn't nearly as excited as I was when I first found out I was going. Needless to say that when I got there Mickey and Co made me the happiest wee boy in the world but you never know what you are getting until you experience it so there's little point in painting pretty or painful pictures in your head beforehand. I'm not saying don't look forward to the future but don't build yourself up to be let down - another thing I've learned recently.
Thanks again for reading and for those of you that do not fall into the bracket of me not knowing you or not me being likely to see you again, then you aren't rid of me - not by a long shot. They say that you should keep your friends close and your enemies even closer - rubbish. Keep your friends close and don't give your enemies any of your time because without friends what are we?
"I get by with a little help from my friends...I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends" - and so say all of us.
Over and out,
Martin
