Poker, Blackjack and Life - Choose Your Game Wisely

Life. And with that one word many of you already want to close the window. How can such a simple word that defines what we are doing here, turn out to be such a cliche? When someone says to you that the most important thing in life is actually life itself then you might want to take a few steps back and leg it in the opposite direction. The very thing that they are doing, living life (which on case you hadn't noticed, we have very little choice about taking part in), turns out to be the most important thing to most people. To me what this suggests is that people are making-do with the basic stuff and not finding something to really fall in love with and cultivate a passion for. I'll tell you a little story that might well turn out to be the big story that is your 'life'.

Heading Home for Christmas? Try Walking Instead

Up until last year I had never had a white Christmas. It was stuff that dreams were made of but I would always wake up on Christmas morning and see grey skies and feel the sub-zero temperatures but never was there a single flake of snow. And with this in mind it's starting to look like the weather has finally woken up and decided to make up for all of those years of black ice and rain clouds - and not for the best either I should add. In fact the irony is that the white Christmas that everyone so craves at this time of the year could very well end up ruining the festive period of thousands of people. Is there someone to blame? You can bet Santa's sack there is.

That's Not What She Said

I guess that you would expect me to be writing exclusively about Christmas given that it is only a week until the Big Man comes fleeing down our chimneys but sadly I'm going to disappoint on this occasion. Having said that there is a whole lot to be written about the next week and a bit so keep your eyes peeled for new posts throughout the festive period. The topic for today however is the age old quandary that both sexes find themselves in on a regular basis: what could they possibly be thinking? Of course being a guy this might come from a pretty biased point of view, but I think it would be interesting to know what you all think (comments welcome below).

Home for Christmas

I feel that now I'm home, I'll have even more time to blog - aren't you all lucky? The thing is that since I've been home it's as if nothing ever changed. The only thing that reminds me that I have been going to university for over 3 months now is the fact that I've had to bring notes home with me (and maybe the fact that I make sarcastic, law related comments now and then). I'm struggling to be able to tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing. It's probably not going to have any affect on me at all because, like it or not, I'm going to be heading back to Edinburgh in January to embark on another fun-filled university semester - In that respect I have nothing to worry about. But what if I get sucked back into my old routines and habits of home so much that it feels like I'm moving out for the first time all over again? How is everyone else that are coming home from other universities feeling? Have I even changed at all?

What is Wrong With People?

To the question posed in the title there is 2 answers: 1) stop being such such a miserable ass; or 2) there is not enough space in that infinite text box for all of the answers. I would tend to agree with the people that frowned when they first saw my latest title - after all, I do moan more than most people. However, I am going to focus on the latter answer and by the end of this (what could potentially be quite a lengthy) post I hope to have changed your mind.

My Big but Useless Dreams

So this is going to be something of a brief post because, to be perfectly honest, I'm feeling a bit burned out from exam preparation. The topic for this is the plethora of elaborate plans that have been popping into my head as of late. Some of them you will laugh at and others you will find very familiar. Everyone dreams about doing something different to what they are currently undertaking - I guess it's just human nature - but most of those things are fairly far off and ultimately useless (although I am not saying that it is bad to dream - I have a soul you know!)

Harry Potter Syndrome

So as promised, this latest post is not going to be about me or my self-deprecating ways - 'whew!' I here you exclaim and rightly enough. I was getting a bit fed up about writing about my life because if I've already lived it once and it's occasionally too much to write about it as well. Obviously the stuff I've been writing about for the last couple of months has hit the mark though and, as I mentioned at the foot of last week's post, I would like to thank everyone who has complimented (or 'bigged up' as kids on the street might say) my posts. It really means a lot that: 1) there is actually people taking time to read it and 2) that they are taking even more time to tell me that they enjoyed it. I've written more than 10 lines now and I've not talked about anything but me which I promised I wouldn't but I'm one of those people that can't ever say thanks enough so be prepared for it too pop up again in the future!

Love May Well Tear Us Apart Again, But Exams Won't

You'll all be glad to hear that, after this post has been put online, I am going to find something other than university/me to write about. Yes you may well find my mishaps and other self-deprecating stories funny but I feel it is about time that I branched out the scope of this blog further than just 'ME!'. But before all of that fun begins I have an interesting (well what I hope will be an interesting) topic for my latest posts - exams. Now I was heckled for mentioning exams in my last post but I feel that it is better to talk about them than to ignore them - after all the majority of you will have some sort of exam before the Christmas and New Year festivities can begin. I hope that, rather selfishly of me, that this post will help me to understand better what I have to do over the next couple of weeks to get through these exams unscathed but I also hope that you take something out of it as well.

Time Doesn't Just Fly When You're Having Fun

This seems to be all I can write about just now and I should possibly apologise for that but, lets be honest, I'm not going to. After all it is the life I lead now and to not write about it would be pretty stupid. If you hadn't already gathered from the title, the subject of this post is that fact that time just keeps slipping away from me; especially when I'm doing work for university. I agree with the old saying that time flies when one is having fun but I now believe it to be true all of the time - in fact so much so that I would like to grab the person who coined the original phrase and smash a clock over his face. Well maybe not as far as that, but certainly I often find myself wondering where certain hours in the day disappear to. So much so that I am seriously considering getting something that chimes every hour so that I can keep track of each one. This sounds mad (and lets be honest, I'm not going to do it) but I have the firm belief that someone is stealing hours from me when I am writing essays and reading. Something must be done about this thief of time!

A Week in the Life of a Law Student

I've been angling at this post for quite a while because I think it'll be interesting just to see what happens to all of those weeks that just fly past with nothing to show for them except a diminished bank account and dirty clothes. Hopefully it doesn't make me out to be too much of a bore but then again, each to their own as they say. Enjoy...

I Can't Even Commit to Procrastination

In a week where I thought I was going to be pushed to my limits, I've actually managed to find an awful lot of time to do just about nothing. I had my first piece of assessed work on Monday, the knock-on affect of which was that I didn't get much work other than the preparation for that done last week. I was left with a lot of lecture notes to copy out and even more reading to catch up on so I thought that this week was going to be pretty tricky. As it turns out I have been able to find a fair amount of time to do the square root of squat. I should point out that all bar one of my lectures now have been copied out and I have managed to get a little bit of the reading done this week but not nearly as much as I planned to do. It seems that any plan that you make as a student gets quickly brushed aside in place of other 'important' things like reloading Facebook every couple of minutes. The funny thing is that I found myself doing just that today when I had planned to get all of my reading done, but this time I couldn't even commit myself to procrastination. Needless to say it was a spectacular moment for me because in that split second I realised that I might as well still be asleep!

Old Man Syndrome

Early nights, sore knees and a daily paper: who would have thought this would be the formula to my life just a couple of months ago as I embarked on my student life? It seems I missed the boat when they were handing out iron livers and caffeine shots because I just can't do it for some reason. If fact I correct myself on that matter because a lot of you will know that I can drink all day if the mood takes me, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just don't enjoy it as much as I used to. The main reason I think is that I worry too much about falling behind in terms of university work which is nothing to be ashamed of. I've managed to get myself this far because I put a lot of effort in to high school and I'll be damned if I stop now. It's also unfair to say that it's the nature of my course that means that I feel like this because I know people who are doing the same thing as me who are going out all the time and still manage to keep up - what am I doing wrong? I ask myself this all the time and am yet to find an answer.

Special Guest Numero Uno

I know that it's currently a Thursday night and I said that I would be posting on Sunday nights only but I guessed that since I didn't post on the Sunday past that I was in some ways in debt. So I have been trying to think of something to write about all night but I can't come up with anything substantial so I thought I would use one of my back-up plans - my guest writer. I have had this piece of text for a couple of weeks now and I've meant to put it in a post since I got it but I've had other things to do like procrastinate on Facebook so it never got done. 

Are we the Inspired or the Inspiration?

I haven't had a whole lot of time to sit and take stock these past few weeks with what has been a pretty full on start to my law degree. I've touched on this before but I would like to reiterate just what it is like and how different it is to being at high school. I could easily have gotten away away with doing no reading or research in my first few weeks. Not because it has been easy or anything like that but more from the point of view that there is nobody telling you to do anything. It is up to you to go and look at your lecture and tutorial handouts to see what you need to know or do before you attend. It's taking a lot of getting used to but I think I will adjust to it soon and even learn to enjoy this type of learning, even more so than the spoon feeding techniques used in high school.

Why Are You Reading This!?!? It's Not a Textbook You Know...

Well what an interesting first few weeks I've had with my course. I think the most important thing I should mention right from the top is that I'm loving the work I'm doing just now. Yes I've had a lot of reading to do and there have been times when I've just not understood something, but as I said to someone last night: "starting to study law is like learning something maths from the start". I couldn't do calculus when I first started to add and with some help from this analogy I've seen that it's going to take me time to find my feet - hopefully not too long because my first exams are only 9 weeks away! I felt that I should get that in before I go ahead and tell you what the last couple of weeks have been like otherwise you might get the impression that I am not enjoying myself but that is far from the truth.

So as I expected, studying law hasn't been a walk in the park by any means. In fact I think it's the case with most of my peers who are starting university that nothing has been easy so far. It's all very well turning up to all of your lectures and then having the majority of the day off but when you look at course handouts or tutorial problems, you begin to see that lectures are only the beginning. The hardest things from my point of view since I started my degree has been reading case reports which is something that I never really thought would be that challenging. I would say that the longer the case and the longer the speeches from the judges, the harder it is to decipher. But going back to my analogy about learning maths; I'm just learning to add and subtract at the moment so I certainly can't expect to be able to multiply and divide. It will all come together in its own time because, as big headed as this may sound, I'm very capable to getting this subject under my thumb. I look around me in the law library and see hundreds of older student, diligently thumbing through statute books and textbooks and I like to think that they were feeling the same way about not being able to understand cases and legal concepts when they started. I know that I'll find my way through this initial mine field simply because I can't think of doing it any other way or more to the point I can't think of anything else I want to do.

Now after that last sentence there you might be thinking that the way it was worded that I might be regretting my choice to study law. Again I would like to make it clear that although it was the biggest decision on my life, it was certainly the right one and I'm going to go on and prove it to everyone. The main reason that I decided to do law was because it was going to be a challenge for me; one that would have to be undertaken with the utmost sincerity and dedication. Now that I'm finally doing it I can see that it's going to be even harder than I first thought but that only encourages me to do better.

As for the small matter of being away from home for the longest period in my life (the longest being a 2 week holiday in Toronto quite a while back): well it's been getting better as each day goes past and as likely as there are to be challenges in this part of my life as well I'm fairly sure I'll reap the rewards. My room now looks like it did at home (dirty socks on the floor and football posters on the wall), I am almost able to make food like I would get at home and most importantly I've got my laptop which keeps me in contact with people from home. It's only really my address that has changed, nothing much else.

So I'll try and keep this thing going for as long as I see fit but I think that there will be long periods of silence when exams come around. I hope to be able to do it weekly or even bi-weekly but I'll see how things go.

Thanks again for reading and for those to whom it applies: get back to your textbook!

Cheers, 

Martin

One Week Down, Rest of Life to Go

It has been a week of ups and downs. I've met hundreds of people but only know the names of a couple of dozen or so and even then I more or less only know their names and what they are studying. My ability to cultivate friendship from this type of situation has never really been one that I've had to call upon as is the case with hundreds of fellow fresher's. Never has there been a room full of complete strangers from different parts of Scotland and beyond, where you simply start from scratch. It's nice to have the occasional familiar face but a phrase that I have coined this week is "it's nice to see some unfamiliar faces" - not something that you would usually think makes sense but the logic is there as far as I'm concerned. I guess that the hardest part of this week has been that aspect of things. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not an introvert: shy on occasion yes, but not particularly an introvert. Having said that, I am not a particularly confident person when placed in this type of situation. The best part about this week for me is the fact that I've not really had any other choice than to try and put myself out there a bit because if I hadn't then the next few weeks and months could have been a lot more difficult. Now those unfamiliar faces have slowly started to become familiar which will make the first week of lectures and the next few weeks of staying in halls that bit easier. 

Now I suppose is the time when I should really break the bad news to you all - fresher's week hasn't lived up to what I thought it would be; and it's not just me that feels this way either. I've spoken to countless people that have been having early nights and have avoided alcohol on particular evenings. I suppose if you asked the people in my flats how they felt fresher's week was then the majority would say it was "amazing" or "awesome" or even "the best week of their lives". Don't get me wrong, I've had a fantastic week but I've had my fair share of feeling down and out this week. I suppose that you are probably thinking that I've not made the most of fresher's week and that I should have been out doing more things because I will agree that they way I am describing it makes it sound like I've sat in my room staring at the walls every day. This is not the case because I have been out and about with people doing lots of different and fun things but when it really came down to it, it just wasn't what I expected it to be. I see all of these pictures of people in my position at Edinburgh and other universities and they look like they are having the time of their lives but I guess that a combination of trying to settle (despite being fairly close to home) and meeting all of these new people has made this week more difficult for me than I could have imagined.

I think that it is time I saved myself from a bottomless pit of despair (well not really because believe it or not, I have been a pretty happy person for most of the week) and tell you what my favourite things about this week were. For one the feeling of looking after myself is something that I've looked forward to for a long time. A challenge yes, but nevertheless something that I relish the thought of. As well as that I have enjoyed meeting new people from all parts of the world which is never really something that happens in high school. My favourite part of the week though has to be the prospect of starting my law degree. This week has come and gone now and it is time to do what I really came here for - to study law at one of the best universities in the world. Call me sad but I can't wait for my first lecture and the first time I do work in the library or the first case I'm asked to read. Things like that excite me for whatever reason and I'll be damned if that's going to stop just at the brink of the next chapter in my life (I've said that a lot in recent posts but it's the most apt way to describe it I think).

I'm aware that there is the chance that there could be people reading this that I have only just met this week and who don't really know anything about me. I can assure you that although I sound like a melancholic teenager, I really am a very happy guy who certainly knows how to smile once in a while. I don't need to tell you that in fact because you'll soon come to learn that under my shy and serious exterior is someone completely different.

I usually try to slip in a few jokes in my posts as you all know but I don't really have any that are particularly topical which is a bit crap. Instead I'll end with this: fresher's week was great fun and I will always look back on this week as being a good solid start to university life but the real thing starts next week and that's when I'll get my mojo back - just you wait and see...

You guys rock for reading as per usual so thanks,


Martin

Baked Beans and Beer - My First Few Days as a Student

When I was packing all of my clothes into suitcases last week it was quite possibly the strangest experience of my life. To have all of the things that you wear and use fit into a few bags really plays with your head; and not in a good way either. It really is a surreal thing when you see your DVD collection packed in beside underwear and socks - in fact it kinda sucks. But when everything was ready to go I was psyched because it looked like I was going on holiday (with a box of Cheerios). The funny thing is that I wasn't at all excited before I left or for the few days leading up to the move. In fact my sister was more excited that I was moving out than I was and she doesn't even live at home. So last week was a little crazy but if I thought that the process of moving out of home was weird then I was going to get a hefty punch in the chops when I moved into the other end. I'm not going to lie, I just laughed at that sentence for its innuendo qualities which can only be a good sign because it means that I've not yet lost my terrible sense of humour yet - university will never change that.

So this is the basics of what happened when I got here: you get your keys, you go to your flat, you unload your life into your room and then you realise that there are other people doing a similar thing - it's kinda weird to see these parallel lives crashing together in one big mash. So that's pretty much the way it has been for the last couple of days. Your basic plan of action has to be to ask three questions (What's your name?; where are you from?; what are you studying?). If you get through this part of the conversation unscathed then its a free-for-all thereafter. It's all about trying to find some sort of common ground (the subject of alcohol usually suffices) and then try and build from there if you can. Otherwise you just have to turn to your right and start the whole process again which it seems is everyones game. In fact the three questions are starting to become this sort of dogmatic approach to socialising which I can cope with I think. 

In three days I have been through the wringer emotionally (ok that's maybe a bit of an exaggeration but has been tough). I woke up on the first morning and felt crap then about an hour later I was all enthusiastic again and soon found myself up on top of Arthur's Seat. Nobody ever said it was going to be easy and if the truth be told, I didn't know what it would be like at all. Now I have seen a tiny slice of this new life I am starting to learn a bit more about it which is the only way to adapt. I am enjoying this new chapter in my life so far and as tough as I'm finding this situation, I'm relishing it at the same time. Bring on the rest of the week!!!

Snorkels, Biscuits, Cardboard etc...

I'm not 100% sure what's up with me at the moment. It's more than likely to be a combination of things: the fast approaching move away from home, starting a new part of my life, people leaving etc (basically the stuff that I've been going on about all year in this very blog). As you might have gathered from the title, I am certainly in an odd mood at the moment. I had this thought last night when I couldn't get to sleep: I started to think about the most random things that I could - I guess it was me trying to test my imagination. The reason why this was happening is not something that I can quite put my finger on but I guess that I'm just lacking something in my life just now - transition sucks. Maybe I was just bored although that would usually send me to sleep anyway or maybe there was something else to it. My plan was to think about it today but I never got round to it because of my busy schedule of reading, drinking coffee and watching 'House' (which I have become addicted to over the last week or so). So now I'm going to try and see where it came from and I thought that I might as well write it down while I was at it.

So what is imagination? The handy dictionary I have sitting beside me just now tells me that it is the "ability to make mental images of things that may not exist in real life". That being the case, I guess I wasn't trying to stretch my imaginative muscles off after all. After all the words I was coming up with were very like the ones in the title - not much imagination needed there.  So what was I playing at at 1am, lying in my bed, pulling the most random of words out of thin air? As I said I couldn't have been bored because that would not have explained me not being able to get to sleep; I wasn't wide awake either so that can pretty much rule out it being something constructive.

If the truth is to be told, I will never have the answer to this weird pastime that overtook me last night. If you have any theories then I would love to hear them but I guess I should just put it behind me and stop opening up my mind at night when I should be sleeping. Does this kind of thing make me weird? No, I don't think so but there's often times when I just need to write something down and this was one of those very moments. It resets me and makes me happier again to get something out - it makes room for new stuff.

You guys rule for reading this as always.

Muchos gracias amigos!


Martin

Those Damn Teenagers...

I hear watch the news and listen to the radio every day of my life and it seems that not a day goes past without teenagers getting bad press for something. It could be something as serious as underage drinking in the streets or a less obvious negative report saying that we don't read enough but it seems that we are forever receiving bad press for absolutely everything. It's interesting when you think about it that all of these people that are bemoaning the poor quality of our generation could have one day been teenagers themselves. I guess that it is mainly because we never witnessed it and only get to see the occasional photo of when they were our age and the even less occasional story of what it was like when "I was a boy/girl". It fascinates me further when they use the line "in our day" because this creates the idea that things never change and that teenagers nowadays should be just like they were 50 years ago. Why aren't we allowed to answer back to adults? Does it show a lack of respect or does it prove how smart teenagers are now? Yes there are a fair few of my peers that fall out of the category of smart and choose to answer back to their elders just because they feel like being abrasive that day, but then there are the millions of other young adults that have more to offer when they are allowed freedom to express themselves. I'll of course give the other side of the coin (that being the point of view of adults on certain, less desirable teenagers) a good rub but whether it be heads or tails that you get, our generation is the best yet and I'm going to try my best to prove it.

Let's have a quick look at those troublesome few who are out to cause anarchy wherever they go. I've been working and playing with them for my whole life and now that we're all teenagers together, I can see a split. There are the ones that have a bright future and endless prospects to look forward to and then there are the ones that have nothing - and that is no exaggeration. When I look around me at all of the people my age that I know, I see the majority of them getting ready for university or college, opening countless new doors for themselves all the while. I then catch a brief glimpse of the ones who are miles away on the opposite hand. I know them all because, as I said, I grew up with them all and I know that each and every one of them has the ability to outshine their contemporaries of 10 years ago. They are all gifted in one way or another but for whatever reason, and this is where I can't stick up for them, they have lost their way. And it is for this very reason that they are seen to be troublesome. I don't think I have ever come across a single peer who has not displayed a level of intellect or ability in one field or another. They could be naturally bright, they could be hard workers or they have some kind of practical ability that makes them useful to society. As it happens, that very society that they could help has already begun the process of rejecting them which is when the trouble starts.

Now if there is an adult someone reading this then they will almost agree with me that everyone has ability in one thing or another. The place that they will disagree with me is when I say that there is good in all teenagers. What makes certain individuals to become a nuisance is either rejection from their chosen lifestyle or the people that they socialise with. Take this analogy for example: I like sausages and I'm quite fond of a chocolate and each on its own is a treat, but if you were to mix them together then it would create detrimental effect on the overall taste. Now apply that to the concept of teenage social groups. You will very rarely find a single teenager causing trouble on their own or even in a pairs or trio - they are always in numbers. What I am trying to say is that if you mix the wrong people together then there will be a disastrous outcome (as with my sausage and chocolate example). Every member of the offending group will have their own (often secret) likes and dislikes that they choose not to share with the rest of the group and will also have ability in something that, more often than not, they hide to avoid embarrassment. As a group they might be a menace to society but as individuals, they are as much use to society as the people that the group, as a whole, were terrorising. Some manage to break away from their groups because they see 'the light' but others don't simply because there is nothing else for them to do with their lives.

It is those kids that are apart of 'gangs' or 'youth teams' that give the teenage demographic a bad name when really they are as useful to society as the next teenager. Maybe because I come from a well off background I can say all of this stuff and there will be no repercussions for my life; maybe because I am going to university I can say that everyone has something to offer to society; maybe because I have something to offer and have lots of prospects that I can say that everyone else my age does as well, but let it be known that I have grown up with these people and I know these people more than any adult will ever know them and I know they are good. I know that they have potential. I know that some of them give the rest of us a bad name but I also know that they are equally as able as the person next to them. I know that teenagers smash windows and terrorise old people and I know that some teenagers are just bad people but I know them all and see nothing new in any of them. We are all the same and just need to be given the chance to stand each on our own and show the world what we've got. The world needs our generation simply because we are the best that there has been - you'll see what I mean in 10 years time.

I imagine that you might have your own views on this matter and I would love to listen to them. Now would be a great time for you to click on the 'comment' box below and have your say (anonymously if you choose). Also it would be great to hear from lots of people so if you know of anyone who might be interested in this topic, send them a link or click on the Facebook button below to link this page.

Thanks for reading you beautiful, beautiful people!

Martin

An Urge to Write About Nothing in Particular...

If you are a regular reader of this blog then you will know that I go through periods when I write a lot and then periods of complete blogging silence. In fact I have mentioned this particular trend in a few previous posts so you should be used to reading about it by now. Recently, with the amount of free time I have on my hands, I have had a stronger urge than at any time since I started this blog, to write. So much so that this will be my 4th post this month which is unprecedented. The only issue that I have is that sometimes I don't always have one thing to write about. For example in the past I have written about leaving school, about holidays and even about cheese and coffee. Today I just feel like writing about something so I'm not sure where I'll be in 500 words time which could be interesting but on the other hand could be hellishly boring for you - hang in there though.

So what exactly could I write about? Well I could talk about current affairs such as the passing of the first 10o days of the coalition but, giving my political stance, I don't think it would be a very unbiased piece. I could talk about things a little closer to home and deliver a damning report about the way that certain people conduct themselves but again I don't think that would be very fair - plus it's more fun to watch things unfold on a certain social networking site. So again - what should I write about? How about we have a little wonder into the scary thought of moving away from home? Ye that could work...

Well in three weeks time, I'll be moving away from Livingston for the first time in my life into Edinburgh. It's strange to think that I've spent my whole life here and then in the space of a day I will no longer live here permanently. But as scary as it all seems at the moment, I have a strong feeling that the time is right for a change of scenery. I would say that life here has slowed down massively for me since the turn of the year - or maybe it has always been like this and it's me that has changed. That's much more likely I think. I know that many of you will be moving away as well and I'm sure you will agree with me when I conjecture that we have outgrown the very place that we call home.

An advantage for me is that Edinburgh is the nearest city to home and so not only will I be able to come home for good quality cooked meals now and again, I already have a good knowledge of the city having spent a lot of time there in my life so far. Edinburgh is a magnificent city in my opinion and I fancy that I'm going to have the time of my life whilst I'm there. In fact when I was Edinburgh last week, it was pointed out to me that I could end up working in the same street for the rest of my life with the law school being on the same street as one of the major courts in Scotland -  this really could be the biggest move I ever make.

As for other people moving to other cities, it's going to be pretty much the same deal for them as well: a new city to live in; new people to meet; a new life to make. I guess that's what will define us as adults when it comes to it in 10 or so years time - how well we handle this move. Some will hate it and move back home for their second year but most will love it and embrace this new and exciting chapter in their lives - I know I will.

So there you go - I only wanted to write something down and it has turned out to be pretty short. What that says about my imagination and writing ability I'm not quite sure. All I know is that this time next year I will be a different person and I would guess that moving away from home is going to play a big part in that.

Should I start packing now?
 

Happy moving people and thank you once again for bearing with a ramble,


Martin

Bone Idle or Aching Bones - What Have You Done This Summer to Make You Feel Proud?

From a distance, this summer promised a lot: free time to do nothing or everything with, being 18 for the first summer ever and all of the other things little that we all dreamed of doing that just wasn't possible with the meagre 7 weeks we've had in the past for the summer holidays. So where did is all go then? In under a month's time I'll have left home and a new chapter in my life that always seemed so far away will begin. In even less time than that, friends will have moved away, destined to only be in contact via Facebook and email until Christmas at the earliest. For the first few weeks of the summer I thought I was in paradise as did many of you but now the preparation for university is pretty much a necessity and we'll now have to cram all of those dreams we had for this summer into a few weeks (if that's even possible). My question to you is this: what have you managed to do this summer that you can pat yourself on the back for and say "that was worth it"? Of course I am only able to speak for myself, but from what I can see there are many other people in the same boat as me thinking "damn where did the summer just go?". 

If this had been a normal year during high school, then I would be going back there tomorrow to start it all again with the same faces and the familiar places. It was this realisation that started to make me think about just what I have done with my summer. The biggest thing that I did was visit Rome as some of you might be aware. It's hard to say if going on holiday can be seen as being constructive but I'll say it is for the moment. I've had my most productive summer in terms of reading with almost 10 books biting the dust along the way. On a slightly less constructive note, I have watched loads of films that I haven't seen before that everyone else seems to have watched. That could possibly be viewed as a good thing - maybe. Other than that it has been a summer of occasional exercise, more than occasional alcohol abuse and a fair bit of what I'm doing just now. Maybe I should have looked harder for a job earlier in the year but I think that I have managed, in theory, to find plenty of things to fill the summer weeks with. In practise however, it's been far from a full and rewarding few months.

It's been a hard summer mentally as well for me. In fact this year has been pretty difficult more or less because of the complete lack of motivation I've had for everything. It took a massive effort to even think about doing revision for the exams and frankly the results I got for them are nothing short of a miracle. There has been a lot of those 'it's really not worth it' days this summer which sounds very depressing but it's just the way that I've felt for quite a lot of the summer a I'm sure many others have as well. I think you'll know the sort of days that I'm talking about: when you've got nothing to do; there's nothing on TV and nothing good recorded on your sky+ box; nobody seems to be doing anything outside; you can't bring yourself to lift a book or go for a run and so you melt into a state of depression that just takes you right down. I've noticed that the times that I am happy I have generally done something with my day for example: finish a book; do some exercise; write something etc. And it's no coincidence either. I have just described polar opposite types of days that I have been having this summer and the pattern is blatant. So as I've said before: despite the fact that my writing sometimes makes me sounds depressed (or just makes me sound like I'm over reacting to everything) I am a very happy person and I realise that it's important to keep active.

Now that the summer has run away from us, it's time to start thinking about what's next - university, college etc. The prospect of going to university has been another of those things that I've thought about and felt miserable because of the idea of having to start working again and all of the other things that go with this massive change. Those feelings towards the matter have only cropped up a couple of times this summer because the rest of the time I've been bursting to get started. Yes it's a scary thing but I truly can't wait to get started. So much so in fact, that my plan for next week is to do some reading and some notes from the books that I have got on Scots Law. If I was to put my excitement about the course into words then I would fail miserably because I just wouldn't be able to do it justice (pardon the pun).

So again I ask you: what have you done this summer to make you feel proud? It seems that now I have written everything down, I have actually done quite a good deal more than I realised. Maybe your summer hasn't been as productive and proactive as it could have been but to take another lyric from the song that gave me the title to this post: it's never too late to try - three weeks can be as long or as short as you make it.

Stay happy people and thanks for reading,

Martin

Guest Writers Wanted!

Well I guess this could be seen as some kind of personal ad -the sort you get in  newspapers - although I would imagine that this would fail to entice people in the lonely hearts column. Basically what I am looking for it for someone (or some people) to come up with some interesting ideas in the form of a blog post that I can put up on this here page for people to read. Naturally I would add some stuff around it otherwise that would just be plain lazy on my part but they bulk of the post in question would be the 'donated' text. I'm not sure if many people have looked at the new 'Contact Me' page, but there on there is a little bit of info about what I am looking for. For those of you that have looked at it and thought "maybe that would be quite good fun but I'm too shy to give it a try", that is ok as well because I am happy to put up content under anonymous just as much as I am willing to plaster someone's name all over my blog until it chokes on it. I'll put together a wee list of ideas for you to mull over and if you have any desire at all to get involved then just drop me an email or even better (and this will apply to most of the regular readers) talk to me in person - this of course includes msn for we do live in the 21st century after all. So here's the list and I do hope to hear from some people over the next couple of weeks:

• Poetry
• Monologues
• Full blog posts
• Blog post extracts
• Musings
• Pictures
• Something to debate
• Song lyrics

Cheers,

Martin

My Interior Monologues

I'm pretty sure that you will know by now that I am pretty fascinated with words and writing as I have mentioned it in most of my previous posts and have even based a couple of them on the subject. This particular post is going to be short and sweet in terms of fresh writing and is going to be filled up with examples of the kind of writing that I do (away from this blog of course because then I would just find myself quoting pervious posts which would be nonsensical). I must point out that if I was to put down an example of everything that I have ever written be it poems, monologues and general musings then this post would be, for want of a better word, epic. It would span for page after page and would more than likely bore you after a while. That's why I'm going to keep it as short as I can and just give you the' tip of the iceberg'.

I am going to keep this post fairly brief so I'll just put up a few short monologues that I put together recently which might seem very encrypted initially but after a few reads might make more sense. The first one is about being metaphorically lost and not really knowing where you are at a certain point in your life:

I think I might be lost but I don't know why or when it happened all I know is that I can't find my way somewhere and even then I don't know where such a destination exists or why such a place should want even want to facilitate someone in such a lost state as myself but as not to confuse matters I shall continue to search for this place and not rely on assumptions and frail ideas for such absurd paths could assume that I no longer want to find this place that I speak of even though if I am not sure such a place even exists or that in the event that such a place does exist that it will facilitate someone as lost as I find myself just now.

The next one is looking at how you can only chose the people that hold you back and that if a person was ever to do so without you letting them then they would have to have be super human:

If someone was to stand in my way and become an obstacle to my life then I wonder where I would go after realising that such a person would have to be strong and mighty to be able to stand in the way of ambition and passion and the unrelenting drive to succeed in a life where only the brave stand tall and the weak are those who find themselves standing only behind people that are as weak as them. 

The final one that I will put up is about equality and the fact that, if we were all stripped right down to the bare bones then it would show us all to be the same:

Whoever said that I could not win and be better than them is a person who not only does not exist but if someone of that persuasion was to come to light then they would struggle to survive under the weight of people such as myself and even if that person was never to utter such words upon a peer then they still hold claim to being better than someone else which is not only obtuse but could land them in a trouble that would burden even the strongest souls on this very earth that we all share in equal measures and call home.

So that is a few examples of one of the best ways, in my opinion, to let out emotions and ideas. Although they have no structure and no punctuation, there is a really powerful message in each of them that can be applied in any way you see fit. Not all of my monologues are written like that but I felt that those were the best examples of what I would call 'power writing' because each of them only took a few minutes to compose and, as bare as they seem, prove to be very powerful.

It wasn't until last year's Advanced Higher English class that I was properly introduced to this art of writing monologues but have since come across many examples which have captivated me. I guess that I owe a lot to that class because without the guidance of a couple of particularly excellent teachers I think I would be playing Football Manager in my spare time instead of writing.

Thanks again for reading as always and I hope that you give this art just a few minutes out of your day because that's all it needs and oh how cathartic it can be.

Cheers,

Martin

The Rumble of a Ramble

I think that the reason why there is always a long gap between my posts is that I am looking too hard for things to write about. My holiday to Rome was an easy one and so it produced two posts. Other times (you will have probably noticed) I have really found nothing at all to write about yet I have still published well over 1000 words each time. I guess that fits in well with the title that I chose for this blog but I feel that it is time to just sit down and let a bit of steam off without being restricted by a topic or particular event in my life. In fact this decision comes at a pretty good time because I am feeling a bit blue at the moment as I feel quite a few of you will be as well. So let me fire off another splurge of thoughts and feelings and I'll see how I feel at the end of it - who's to say what will happen?

So I'm in my room, it's a nice day outside, Ellie Goulding is playing in the background and the lingering remains of a hangover are slowly fading away. This is actually a pretty typical day in my summer apart from the nice weather part: I've spent a lot of time in this room looking at this very screen with the same gaunt expression, wasting away hours on Facebook; I've rather fallen in love with Ellie over the last couple of months and she does play more often than not in my bedroom (I wish); and then the last part which I am not particularly proud of - the hangover. It's a guarantee that every time someone that I know has a little too much to drink at a party or get together that they will vow never to drink again. I have made such claims at a few junctures this year with the arrival of my legality and that of others. In fact turning 18 is maybe one of the worst things that I could have done - what a bad choice I made there eh? In fact that's a whole load of rubbish because it is true I have probably drunk too much this year, but there have been many times when I have enjoyed the privileges that turning 18 have brought. I have enjoyed the fact that I can go out with mates to the pub for a few drinks and the advantage that I don't have to ask people older than me to buy beer for me. I think the problem from my point of view (and a problem that I see in many people in my position) is that I struggle to drink in moderation unless I happen to run out before I've had too much - this never happens. You might be sitting there laughing at me or thinking that I should stop being so uptight about this but I see myself as being different to everyone else. The kind of things that I enjoy doing in my free time and the kind of things that you enjoy will probably be out of a completely different book. All I want to do with my time is read and write which I might be maligned for but I enjoy them more than anything. If I had the mental strength to decide between going out to drink or staying in with a Sherlock Holmes novel then the choice would be a no brainer. However I've come to the conclusion that there is no such choice to make - apparently teenagers have this urge to drink that must be satisfied at regular intervals. This kind of thing wrecks me, pardon the pun. 

What makes the whole thing harder is that I leave for university in little over a month, as will most of my friends - it's almost like I've waited too long to change. As a child there are an infinite number of things that you can do but soon those things dictate who you become as you drift into the permanently moody teenage years. Yes, I am an extremely happy person contrary to the way that this post in being composed but at the same time, when I'm not around people, I can get pretty down. I think I could cut this post extremely short and just say that I want a change in my life but that would be fairly boring on my part. I'll try and lighten the mood when I've got the depressive stuff out of the way. 

It feels like my whole self has gone into complete shutdown. If I was to attempt to study at the moment, just like any of you who have entered 'summer mode', then I would fail miserably. This is another thing that has to change because, life it or not, I'm going to be starting a law degree very soon. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to get started but there’s going to have to be a lot of hard work between now and then to get myself back to full mental fitness. I'll try to avoid sounding too full of myself but I am a smart guy with a lot of potential but it's not a question of whether it is there for me, more a question of whether I can harness that potential. Some will say that it's a certainty I will because of what has come before from me but as it happens, and all of you will agree with me on it, assumed success is fatal for futures. Negative rant over.

So apart from more or less locking myself into Facebook and drinking too much, what exactly have I done with my summer? Well reading has been the best way I have found of keeping sharp. I have read more books this summer than I probably did in the whole of last year. At times it is a case of wanting an escape which again sounds really negative but in fact I think that putting yourself in a different life is important for self-development. Other books have been read just because I thought I should and I don't think there has been a bad one so far. So that's a good thing right there.

Do you want me to tell you the complete truth? I don't think there's anything odd about how I am feeling just now despite everything that has been written in this post, it's just that I am feeling particularly crap today and just had to get this out. If there is an age when these feelings are justifiable then it would the late teens. Yes I feel a bit empty at the moment but that's only because there's nothing for me to do. I am just about to venture into the unknown, not knowing what is round the bend and it scares me a lot - I know I'm not alone.

I feel that I should end on a joke or something but I don't have one sadly so you can just laugh along with me at my 'predicament': I am an intelligent person, I have a place to study law at one of the top 20 universites in the world, I have great friends and a super supportive family and I'm moving away from the very place that I feel is slowing me down. Now if anyone wants an exchange then I will listen to you but be warned, I will probably have to duly decline any such offers.

Thanks for reading. If you like this post then why not let others read it by clicking on the little Facebook button below. I maybe should have put Google adverts this on this page to make a wee bit of money from hits but I write because I enjoy it and hope that everyone gains a little bit of enjoyment out of what I write.

Cheers, 

Martin

When in Rome - My 'Guide' to a Great City

After spending last week in the beautiful city of Rome, I came home with a lot of stuff on my mind. You may or may not have read my last post about being inspired to write and what have you, half of which was written with the old pen and paper in the city itself. If you did find a few minutes to peruse it then you'll be aware that I had more than a few urges to write whilst I was there - the kind that I have never really experienced the like of before. What this post is going to be however, is my take on this great city: the sights, the way of life and some other little intricacies that I came across during my week there. Forget your travel guides and tourist information websites - this is the place that you'll find all you need to know (well almost anyway).

Go to the Colosseum

You've been to football stadiums, rugby grounds or even arenas for indoor bowls (if you are that way inclined) but you really haven't seen anything until you have been to the Colosseum in Rome. Mass executions, animal fights, gladiator battles (without Ian bloody Wright). They have it all but be sure to book in advance because seating is at a bit of a premium nowadays. I am joking of course but the place is truly magnificent. My visit was improved highly by a knowledgeable and very friendly guide which is something that you should find if you go there. You get to skip the mammoth queues and you get to learn something as well. Well worth the visit, even if you get slightly burnt along the way. 

Visit the Forum

So do you want to meet at the centre or how about the temple instead? You have to admire the greatness of this place even if most of it now is in ruins. Having said that the place is constantly packed with tourists, so you can start to picture what it would have been like in its day - except that there would have been more toga's and less New York Yankees t-shirts at the time. The biggest thing that struck me about this place was the fact that nothing has really changed for hundreds of years apart from technology. We still have to have places to meet and do business - hats off to the Roman's for thinking it all up.

Visit the Trevi Fountain

Something that I once heard that someone had said after seeing the most famous and popular fountain in Rome was "it wasn't that impressive...it was stuck on the end of a building". I'm pretty certain that this person was actually referring to some drunk guy leaning on a building taking a leak who they mistook for the Trevi Fountain - in my opinion the fountain is magnificent. Not to sound like I am blogging from somewhere up my own rear end, but something that crossed my mind about a few of the tourists that I encountered in Rome was 'philistine'. Not being able to appreciate the Trevi Fountain takes a lot of doing and so I say to those that are unimpressed by it: would you kindly leave the piazza, some people are trying to throw coins over their shoulders.

Go to the Vatican Museums and St Peter's Basilica

I'm not a religious person but I don't think it's a necessity to be able to visit and appreciate Saint Pietro. The museums are OK but they are far too big I felt. The best part of the museums by far was the Sistine Chapel which really takes ones breath away (twice in my case because we got slightly lost and ended up having to go round again). St Peter's Basilica is also breath taking but if you are not there with even a drop of religious interest then be prepared to feel slightly intrusive. Even though I was in the majority who were there just to see the building and one of Rome's most famous symbols, I still felt like I was walking in on someone praying which in parts of the church is a real possibility. Don't miss it out though because it certainly will be the highlight of any visit to Rome. 

Go to the Pantheon

If you didn't really have a clue where you were in Rome but happened to be in the right part of the city, then you probably would never find the pantheon - well not through choice anyway. It sort of just appears out of nowhere. I was very impressed by the place and the interior of it but even if it fails to get your heart racing then it's nice and cool inside which is a very welcome relief from the heat. I was there on my very first day in Rome and was certainly not enjoying sweating my particulars off. So as horrible and wrong as this sounds: go to the Pantheon, even if it's just for a little bit of shade.

Visit the Capitoline Museums

You will have been to many museums in your life I'm sure, some through choice and others not quite so much. Choose to go to the Capitoline Museums if you visit Rome. They have the most amazing collection of Roman statues and sculptures you will ever see plus you get to say that you have been to the oldest public museum in the world - some people get a kick out of that kind of thing you know.

Take an Open Top Bus Tour

If all else fails or if you are only in Rome for a short time, get a ticket for one of the open top, hop-on-hop-off bus tours of which there are a few to choose from. Not only is it a great way to see the city, it also provides a brilliant way to get from one sight to another. Anything that you can do to avoid walking in Rome is a good thing because the heat, the hills and the crowds can make it all a bit of a nightmare at times - especially when one is tired.

Now I think that I have covered the main attractions (or at least my favourite ones) with a few jokes thrown in there along the way. The next part of this post is going to be about a few other little things that I got up to during my week in Rome - some of which might make you laugh a bit as well. Some of these you have to do when you are in Rome and others should be avoided if at all possible - I think you'll be able to notice what I mean.

Lose a Case at the Airport

I love airports. From a very young age I have had a fascination with the places and I always get a weird kick out of flying. This has unfortunately taken a huge hit this holiday however because we were standing at the baggage carousel (carousel 13 would you believe?) at Rome airport with only two out of three bags and no more coming out - we knew that something might be wrong. So we spent over two hours trying to get someone to tell us where is was and when we would get it back again - we found out the answer to neither. I suppose that since it was delivered to the hotel a couple of days later then I can laugh at the whole thing now but it's not the best way to start a holiday. A small piece of advice that applies to all foreign holidays: try to avoid booking a connecting flight that happens to go through one of the busiest airports in the world. That's when things can easily go belly up and when you start to wonder if you will really have to wear the same socks twice. 

Look like a Tourist

There is something about Scottish folk that makes us look the complete opposite to Italians. It might be the sheet white skin or the constant need to have a map spread before us but I can't quite put my finger on it. The roads in Rome are absolutely mental with mopeds and crazy taxi drivers but I soon learned that to cross a road in Rome you need to make sure that 1) you have your will in place or at least an emergency phone number, 2) you can look as calm and dismissive as the locals and 3) you gave big balls. Anything less than this and you might call an ambulance in advance - ironically one of the most likely vehicles to get knocked down by in Rome. 

Sleep in the Afternoon

I did this at home anyway because I'm a lazy git but apparently it's the thing to do in Rome - maybe I'm more Italian than I first thought. All of the shops close at the hottest time of the afternoon before they re-open when the sun has died down a bit. Nothing gets you ready for a humid night out than a sleep and a cold shower. Again if you read my previous post then you'll know that this time is good for other things as well (now you have to read it because otherwise that last sentence could be seriously misconceived).

Use Public Buses

You have to! You simply must take at least on ride on a public bus in Rome. Every single one of them is packed tight with sweaty, smelly people - it really is a sight to behold when someone's face is squashed against a window. During my only experience of these buses to St Peter's Square, I think I had the Italian equivalent to a prostate exam at least twice and I'm certain that there was cupping going on at one point although I was surrounded by some beautiful Roman women at the time. To top it all off, the only space on the bars that you hold onto to keep your balance was right next to a super sweaty guy's armpit - salty hand wash anyone? I may not have sold this experience very well but I advise that you give it a go (laughs widely whilst disinfecting hand - again).

Drink Peroni

If you want to drink beer in Rome then there are really only a couple of choices, with Peroni being the best. If you want a pint of Tennants then you will have to take out a loan first. The best bit about it? Peroni is only really sold in the big bottles - have you ever heard the saying 'the more the merrier'?

Eat Fast Food (McDonald's, Burger King Etc)

You would think that in the beautiful city of Rome with its plethora or pizzerias and cafes that fast food chains wouldn't stand a chance. But somehow they have managed to elbow their way in there and have found themselves selling burgers in some of the most ornate buildings in the city. Have you ever ordered a Big Mac when there's been a marble cherub above the counter? Well you can in Rome. As bad as this sounds coming from a guy that generally eats healthily, nothing tastes better after a long day of walking than a large meal with a massive, cold drink - nothing. I should also add that the pizza in Rome is amazing but when it comes to fast food then look no further than the old faithfuls.

So there you go. I told you that you would not need a travel guide after reading this - I lied. If you can get your hands on a good one then it is an invaluable thing to have in Rome. You can get lost very easily there as I did a few times, so to have a rough idea where you are headed when you go out helps a lot.

It is a great city and despite the fact that I have made a few poor jokes about certain aspects, it is honestly one of the best places I have visited - and I have visited some great places in the past. If you do ever visit Rome, approach your time there with an open, receptive mind and great things could happen for you. I have honestly been inspired and maybe you will too one day. I guess that there are hundreds of places in the world to see before I go back but one day I will - that has been guaranteed by throwing coins into the Trevi Fountain apparently.

Ciao ciao,

Martin

Do I Need to go on Holiday Every Time I Need Inspiration? I Certainly Hope Not

When I head away on holiday I always do the same thing whether I am going abroad or just staying in sunny Scotland. I will pack a suitcase or sports bag with clothes and the other essentials then I will get a rucksack or shoulder bag and fill that this with the things that I see as being vital for a holiday. In it I will put books, iPod, chargers etc but there is always something that I will double check that I have in - pens and a notebook. Maybe I am being naive to think that I am in the minority by doing this but I don't believe that many of you will take writing stuff away with you on holiday. Well the proof is in the pudding for this holiday that I am currently on in Rome because the first half of this post is being written with the old pen and paper on my bed in my hotel room after a long day of sightseeing and subsequent inspirations. Maybe this is the kind of thing that makes me slightly different because I believe that we all have something that sets us apart from each other. It might seem a bit weird or, for the want of a better word, 'geeky' but I have the firm belief that if you have a passion for something then there should be no set time or place for it - my passion then is clearly writing.

I'm fascinated to know just what you are thinking right now after that introduction. Not because I am particularly bothered about what people think of me when it comes to this kind of thing but what is your current line of thought? Do you believe that the term 'holiday' means to leave everything that you would do at home there and undertake completely new things for a week or two? Or do you see sense in the way that I do things? I know for a fact that I would be quite lost without this pen and paper that I am using just now. For whatever reason and through no particular choice of my own, I find myself thinking about things to write all the time - even when I don't have paper in front of me. For example I have been sitting on the top of an open-top tour bus for the last couple of days taking in the magnificent sights of Rome and I can't help but be inspired by some of the things that I see. The way that we have gone about every day of this holiday so far is pretty much the way that the people of Rome go about theirs: we go out fairly early in the morning until mid-afternoon and then come back to the hotel to have a 'siesta' after which we go out for dinner and stay out until fairly late. It is that 'siesta' time though when I find myself not being able to sleep or having a few minutes to kill that I am able to write stuff down. I genuinely would love to know if other people do this on holiday or if I am just being different.

What I plan to do for the remainder of the holiday, when I have spare 10 minutes, is to keep writing down little musings and see what I have when I get home. Once I have read through all of the little paragraphs and verses that I have scribbled down in this notebook, I will add the second part of this post to see if I have actually achieved anything. Maybe then I will be able to see if I have wasted time on holiday but right now, sitting on my bed on a particularly humid evening in Rome, I don't feel like I am wasting time at all. I have enjoyed my first few days here immensely and feel that I have missed out on nothing as a result of my persistent urge to write things down - we'll see what happens though.

___________

So that's me been home for two days now and after having typed up my journal entries on the computer and having read all of the other little things that I have written down in my notebook, I am pleased to report that I feel all warm inside. This is of great advantage to me because it's pretty cold back here - in fact it is almost half the temperature that we were getting in Rome which is a pretty huge difference. Anyway back to this so called report that I am supposed to be writing about my holiday notebook. I wrote a few little poems that aren't very good in terms of language but the ideas in them are pretty good, I have made little lists to myself about things that I thought about doing when I got home and I have even put a list of Italian words for me to translate on the computer as well. When I think about it, having a notebook with you all the time (and not just on holiday) is something that maybe I should try more often. It annoys me when people say that they have 'brains like sieves' because everyone sort of struggles with remembering things most of the time. To have a place where you can just quickly jot something down might be the answer for these people. If they believe their brains to be so bad then they should do something to help themselves instead of using the excuse of bad memory.

It might be something important that I will use for the rest of my life because I am sure that there is going to be so much for me to remember both in university and then, if it turns out this way, as a lawyer. And the same goes for thousands of other professions. What I am trying to get at is that we should all carry a notebook or somewhere to write things down when we are out and about. That way we might become much more productive people which can only be a good thing for us all. 

So I urge you the next time you are going on holiday to slip in some paper and pens into your suitcase or hand luggage because there's nothing worse than coming home from a holiday and having nothing to remember your experiences other than photos and these 'sieve brains' we all seem to have been given. If that ends up working for you and you write a few little things down then maybe you could use having one in your everyday life as well. It's just an idea and one that I am sure to write about again in the future - we can't always rely on having a keyboard in front of us now can we?

What a Difference a Week Makes

In light of recent events in my life, I felt it was time for another one of those posts where I just take a step back and take stock of everything that is going on. In the last week I have had my high school prom, visited school for the last time for what could be a very long time and had other changes in my life that really do spell new beginnings. It has been a weird year in that respect because it seems to have passed really quickly but when I look back on it all, there has been at least one vital event a month which has changed my life beyond recognition from what it was before the turn on the year. The biggest thing that has happened to me this year would have to be the offer and subsequent acceptance of a place at university to study law. This time last year I didn't even know what I wanted to do. Now I find myself heading into a course that will define my career and subsequently, the rest of my life. I read about legal affairs when I see then in papers and find myself up on a high horse occasionally when it comes to music downloading and copyrighting (see the bottom of my 'Respect the Buddha' post to see the kind of thing I mean). That kind of thing is just a small example of the kind of changes that I have undergone over the last year and I suspect that it is only the start.

If you have read my previous posts where I have looked at the past and then into the future, you will know that I have enjoyed my time at high school and will look back on my time there fondly for the rest of my life. The best thing about writing those posts a few months ago is that I now notice so many people thinking 'wow I really did enjoy that and how did it end so quickly?' - the same thing I was saying all those weeks ago. It's a question that I too ask myself on occasion and will continue to ask right up until I pack my bags for uni. Where did those years go? Where is everyone going? Will things ever be the same again? I constantly find myself looking for answers to these questions as I think everyone else is as well. This is the best that I have come up with so far: I don't have a clue where those years went; I can't begin to tell you where everyone will end up in 6 months time; I can't say whether everything is going to change as much as the next person can. Not a very concise set of answers there - I think there is going to have to be a lot more searching over the coming months. Maybe you have already found the answers but if not, I challenge you to find them and tell the rest of us because the majority are clueless.

I won't ramble on (despite the title of this blog) about high school because I think that I have written nearly enough about it and to cover it all again might just open up a wound that is slowly healing. I have found that time has been a healer and that writing about my experiences over the last 6 years has been something of a metaphorical Savlon (skin healing cream that I will put on every cut but still believe it to be something of a placebo more than anything). I can't recommend this kind of catharsis highly enough because, as extreme as this sounds, it really has helped me to get through the myriad of feelings that I have encountered over the last few months. When 6th year started I weirdly never thought it would end - do you know what I mean? Looking at the fresh faced bunch that have taken over mine and my peers' mantle as the 'seniors' of the school I look back on that time and it just seems to have been a lifetime ago. The only reason I can come up with for my nonsensical idea of an eternal year at high school is that I didn't have anything after it to think about at the time. Right back at the start there was obviously the presumption that we would all go on to university or college but we never really thought about it in reality. Now the onset of moving away from home and starting a new chapter in our lives is upon us and it could not be more real. If you had told me that this is the way it was going to be last August then I would have told you to stop being stupid and would have asked if you were going to come back for a 7th year - well not really but you get the gist of what I'm saying I hope.

Do you remember in primary school when you were told to underline all of your work in your jotters to make sure that things didn't spill into each other? Well I suppose that we still do that now but it's a subconscious thing that we do because of the number of times we were told to do it back in primary. That is the way that I view the high school prom. At the beginning of the night it just felt a bit like another night out (except that I don't usually wear a kilt when I go out) with a couple of beers and a few good laughs. As the night went on and as the alcohol flowed, it still felt the same way. I was still dancing like an idiot as usual, people were still sprawled all over each other and there was of course a fair amount of Lady Gaga being played by the DJ. But as the night wore on and as speeches were made, it soon became clear that the end was nigh. That last song is one that is slightly fogged by one too many pints but the rendition of 'The Bonny Banks of Loch Lomond' that I shared with my peers and teachers was just an incredible moment for me and will stay with me forever. Looking around the circle as everyone joined together for one last time I saw all of the faces that I have grown up with, some for 6 years some for as long as 13 and that was the end for me. Not when everyone was milling around in tears saying "don't forget me" and "promise to keep in contact". For me that was emotionally horrible and far too saddening to be a fitting end to our high school careers so in my books we all went home after that last song and not a single tear was shed.

As for those 'other changes' that I have undergone recently well they are just as important as the main one of finishing high school. They are so important in fact, that I am not going to tell you what they are! Some people know about some of the changes and there are others that nobody knows about but I can say that they have all been massively positive for me and long may they continue. There have been moments recently when I have found myself standing still (not literally because I have either been sitting watching the TV or out sitting in cars for the last few weeks) just waiting for something to change and when it has it's been a great feeling. You'll know what I mean because I'm sure you too will have undergone similar changes as well. I am beginning to feel that if I did a word count to see what word I have used the most in this post then it would be 'change' which is just the way that I am feeling about life just now.

So what are we all destined for now that school is over? The thing that we have counted on and not really thought about as ever ending for 6 years has now gone and now we move onto pastures new. Now we become the young ones again looking up to our elders with respect just like in the first year of high school - except this time we will have a pint in our hand. It's an odd situation that we find ourselves in. It's as if we have gone full circle and now find ourselves back at the start again which is something, when I think about it, that we will probably have to do for the majority of our lives. I don't want to start sounding all philosophical about life because in the grand scheme of things, I really know very little about it all but from what I can see, the biggest changes in our lives have been and now we are pretty much prepared to deal with almost anything that is put in front of us - at least I hope so. Going to university, starting to learn something new (completely new in my case), meeting new people and not forgetting moving away from home for some people are all big things but I feel that we are old enough and ugly enough (speak for yourself I hear you saying) to deal with it all.

There will be more posts like this in the next few months building up to university but I would like to take this chance to wish everyone that I either don't know or am unlikely to see again, the best of luck for the future and success in whatever you choose to do. As for me, well I am just going to get on with it and try not and think about it that much. If there is something that I have learned from my childhood then it would be to not over think things too much. The best example of this the first time I went to Disneyland. I couldn't wait and thought about it all the time in the months leading up to it. By the time it came around, I wasn't nearly as excited as I was when I first found out I was going. Needless to say that when I got there Mickey and Co made me the happiest wee boy in the world but you never know what you are getting until you experience it so there's little point in painting pretty or painful pictures in your head beforehand. I'm not saying don't look forward to the future but don't build yourself up to be let down - another thing I've learned recently.

Thanks again for reading and for those of you that do not fall into the bracket of me not knowing you or not me being likely to see you again, then you aren't rid of me - not by a long shot. They say that you should keep your friends close and your enemies even closer - rubbish. Keep your friends close and don't give your enemies any of your time because without friends what are we?

"I get by with a little help from my friends...I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends" - and so say all of us.

Over and out,

Martin