The Emergence of Me

Mondays are back. After last week's lapse in posting, the day that is dedicated to what's going on in my life has returned - don't close the window yet! The funny thing about missing last week's post is that I find myself having two things to write about for today's post which is a very rare thing indeed. The fact that I didn't have anything to write about last week anyway also suggests that last week was a little bit more stimulating for me that my last week of university - how very weird indeed. I'm not going to get into the thing that I'm not going to write about today simply because it's a little bit of a touchy subject at the moment and in some ways I might be able to incorporate it into today's musings. My post today is about me pulling myself out of my shell in the last year or so. The fact that I had a week of doing almost nothing last week gave me a little time to think about the whole thing and this is what I've come up with...

You don't notice personal changes yourself. It's one of those things that when someone suggests it to you, you dismiss them straight off. I've been told recently from different sources that I have changed over the last 9 months or so, and it has taken a little while for me to be able to see where people are coming from. The way I saw it before is that I'm still the same person I was when I trotted out of the doors of high school all of those months ago. It then occured to me that I can't be that same, fresh-faced person simply based on everything that has happened since then. From my point of view I still am the same bright, immature (but serious when I need to be) and quiet person that I always was. However I'm starting to think, through some things that I'm being told, that this just isn't the case anymore.

One thing that I have noticed about myself that takes no highlighting at all it that I've become a bit of a stoic since the cotton-wool years of high school. It takes a strong person to be able to make it through high school but it takes a thick skinned person to make it thereafter. If someone had asked me to deal with some of the things that I've been through in the last 9 months a year ago, I would have crumbled and slowly headed for the hills. Yes, there were some tough times at the start of university but I've realised that there are tough times every day and it's just something that you have to get used to. Right back at the beginning I didn't think I was going to last - it's not something I admit to very comfortably but if anything, it makes me see just how far I've come. If I was to meet 'the Me' of that period in my life I really believe that I would be shocked. I guess that it's just the natural progression when someone is put in that position though - by no means am I different to anyone else who started on the same rung of the ladder as me.

I knew it all along and I knew that I was going to come across a lot more at university: I have wise, wise friends. There are many cases where you don't choose your friends; in fact I think in most cases you don't. People that fit well together gravitate towards each other and the world keeps turning for that reason. It is those very friends that have made me sit down and think about just how far I've come and for that I'm eternally grateful to you all. This blog has also helped me to understand myself better and to my readership (most of whom are just about to receive their second thanks in the same paragraph!) I also owe a great deal. Everyone has their way of getting through tough times (and to a certain extent, good times) and this is mine. I've managed to inspire a couple of people to start writing again but I would love for more people to take it up - it clears your head more than you will ever know!

Anyway, enough of that soppy stuff. I make it sound (and I've done this before) like I'm thinking of winding up this blog which really isn't the case. I've got another 11 months or so where I can happily write under my blog name before I'll move on to something else. Maybe by then I will have even thicker skin and even more confidence but only time will tell. The future is an exciting thought but we make it ourselves and only by grabbing it by both hands will we make it brilliant.

Thank for reading (as always!),

Martin