Satisfaction not Guaranteed

It was the longest holiday, it was the shortest holiday. It was the best holiday, it was the worst holiday. It the holiday of success, it was the holiday of failure. In short it was the holiday that I always thought that it was going to be - and there is still another week left of it. I actually feel a little bit daft opening my post like that because, as the more learned readers amongst you will have noticed, it is in the form of the opening to the Dickens book 'A Tale of Two Cities': a book that I've never read before but for a short period of time had memorised the famous opening. When I look back on little things like that from previous holidays (such a frivolous past-time only came a few summers ago) it makes me think how much time I've wasted and how much time I continue to waste as well. Even as I sit here, fighting through an almost palpable bowt of writer's block, I can't decide if I'm using my time well or not.

In the last couple of weeks I've seen Christmas and New Year come and go, I've finished a couple of books, watched endless amounts of TV and football and eaten more food and drunk more beer than I care to remember. It sounds like exactly the thing that I was after when I put down my pen after my last exam in December but something about the last fortnight has left me with a bad taste in my mouth - and it wasn't the brussel sprouts either. I'm a restless soul; someone who is always thinking about what he should be doing when he is not doing it. I've been kept up at night a fair few times this holiday but excessive caffeine consumption and as I've seen the small hours of the morning role past on my phone I've struggled to work out what I've done wrong. Most people would be delighted with the holiday that I've had but for whatever reason I've been left unsatisfied by the whole thing.

The one thing that I wasn't brought for Christmas last year was the answer to this problem that seems to haunt me every time someone tells me that I can have time off. The only conclusion that I can draw from the whole thing is that I'm at that awkward time in my life when nothing seems to make very much sense. I'm slap-bang in the middle of a degree which I can't see the end of and I can't work out if the people around me can. I suppose I just need something to focus on but all of the things that I could choose seem to be too blurry. This is no time to panic however because no matter how many swings I have in motivation or confidence, I've already made it to this point and this is the best place that I could be at this time in my life.

It was only a matter of time before I wrote something like this because I've been bottling it up ever since I stopped for Christmas. In a round about way all I've told you this evening is that I'm looking forward to going back to university to do whatever it is that I do and to do my best at it - goodness knows I'm going to need to be at my best!


Thanks for reading and I hope that the holiday blues haven't hit you and if they have, start counting the days until you're back at the very place you couldn't wait to leave only a couple of weeks ago.

Martin


OH YE! If you haven't already, could you please vote in the poll on the right of the page please. I'm rubbish at making decisions like that so a few seconds of your time would be much appreciated.