If I Only Had a Heart

I would like to open tonight's post with a line from my favourite song just now (Squealing Pigs by Admiral Fellow): "it's that sinking feeling of being alone". And as I write this post on Valentine's night itself I feel a little bit like I'm sinking. Last night's post holds firm with no exceptions but there is a distinct feeling of being left out that seem all the more potent at this time of year. I had a really good day today for whatever reason. I was happier than I usually am, fooling around and laughing more than I would usually on a normal Tuesday and I'm not really sure why. I think I was feeling good after getting last night's post off of my chest because it all had to be said but now I sit here on my own wondering if there is a single drop of passion left in me. I'm hopefully going to find that out in the next 20 minutes or so.

I know I said I would write this post tomorrow night when this whole charade had blown over but then I figured that: (a) have nothing better to do tonight; and (b) I'm playing football tomorrow and whether I can be bothered with writing seems unlikely. However it's not going to be a particularly long post otherwise I might become miserable and we don't want that do that now do we!?

The bulk of the post is going to be a quick, free verse poem that I pulled together tonight. It's a little known fact to most people that I like to write poetry now and again and free verse is without doubt my favourite style. No rhyming, just a nice flow that hopefully moves your emotions around a bit. Well here it is and I hope that you enjoy it:

Stand out from a crowd
but remain hidden from glances.
The only person, I sometimes wonder,
that sees you is me but I'm wrong.

Innocence is ignorance is the
right hands.
Left out to dry by myself,
I see that now -
clearer than a crisp Meadows morning.

Blissfully nothing changes for you,
nothing changes for me -
but everything seems to have changed.
As pretty as I thought you were (are),
I'm wrong about so much and that's not
familiar to me.

Every night the sun sets quietly
behind me - behind us -
and I roll my weary eyes to the clock,
then remember how
reality bites back sometimes.

Dry tears will be shed,
and they'll never evaporate.
But I'm a stoic and stoics push on through
to the other side.

The hope is that this quells any thoughts in your head after last night's post that I don't have a heart. Granted that's a bit soppy in places and I'm going to have to go and watch some football now, but it's nice to sit down and let your emotions run free for 10 minutes - very cleansing. By the way, Barcelona won 3-1 tonight in the Champions League.

Those of you that have been reading avidly for the last few weeks will have a rough idea what the words above mean but some of them will remain just words to you. The main thing I find sometimes is that so long as a something like that means something to you then that is all that matters. If other people interpret them in another way then that's is what it means to them and that's what I like about poetry. I've given two poems to girls in my life-time and they both seemed to like it - maybe I'm just naive. It might seem a bit cliché but I think poetry really talks to you.

So that's my demonstration to you to try and prove I'm not a heartless git with nothing better to do with my time than to make other people miserable. I'm sure I've bored many people this evening but I think there is a chance I've touched (in the metaphorical way of course) at least one person tonight and for that I say you're welcome.

Happy Tuesday night and thanks for reading!

Martin