Just a Glance

It has been a rarity recently for me to write on a Wednesday since I started playing 5s after university. Tonight was very close to being no different really because I'm pretty tired and it hurts to sit still for a prolonged period - suffice to say that tonight's post is going to be brief. I have been withering about producing this post for a wee while now because of the repercussions that I might suffer as a result. I'm not worried that I'll annoy anyone but I am slightly concerned about the effect that this might have on me when I publish in about half an hour's time. It will either go well or it will end up in a foot-in-mouth situation so read on to find out what the outcome will be.

I dabbled with the idea of saying that this post was about 'a friend' but I thought that it wasn't worth making up a fiction about something like this - plus I couldn't be bothered 'setting the scene'. I of course will have to do that briefly for this post to make any sense but I think it will be easier to come from the heart if I just bash it out. A few years ago there was a girl that I particularly liked. Sadly I made such a big deal about it that some readers of this post will know the name fairly quickly and scoff at the fact that she makes up a part of tonight's post. It's not about her by the way, she just happens to be relevant to the story - as much as I wish she wasn't. So this thing went on for a while, we even kind of went out (but I'm using that term as loosely as possible) and of course, as a lot of relationships at the age of 15 do, it ended badly - for me. I spent the next year of my life not thinking about very much else other than this girl who I thought the sun shone from until a good friend of mine turned out her light and made me move on - to him I always hold thanks.

So with this pretext in mind I move swiftly (because I'm beginning to cramp up) on to the crux of this post. In the last couple of months at university (excluding the Christmas holidays) there has been a girl that I keep seeing - she's in my classes, it tends to happen. The thing about this girl is that she often brings back that feeling I had when I saw the aforementioned girl back in high school. Ever since that episode (being probably more than the year that I previously quoted to you) I've found it difficult to trust myself and so I've gone from liking someone to then liking someone just weeks afterwards - and I've hurt a few along the way to who I continue to feel like a prat. This girl, who I've never talked to and probably never will, represents everything that is wrong about my relationship history.  I stood behind her in a queue recently and laughed at the whole thing because that's all I can do.

So now I've spread a part of my life on a slice of your day I would now like to make it very clear that everything is good! In fact, if I wasn't like this then I suppose this blog wouldn't get quite so much attention and my university work might take a back seat. In that time when I was 'courting' (what a great word) this girl in high school I though about little else and it doesn't suit me. I'm good at what I do and it's for the reason that I only let a handful of people in. That is what suits me and some would say that's kind of sad but that's the way the cookie crumbles - if I was a particularly crumbly cookie. I'll probably see this girl tomorrow and little will she know that she's but a stepping stone in my life - just a glance to the side.

Thank for reading and I home none of you are crying/dislike me more than you did before you started reading.

Martin 

Go and check out my latest post on Netcars.com about car games!