Vanity is Only Fair

If I've crunched once I've crunched a thousand times. Well the fact of the matter is that I probably have done about that in the last week or so, and even more in the last 3 weeks. For whatever reason I've got myself addicted to working out again in the aforementioned period and I'm not quite sure why. Well I actually do know the reason (which I'm undecided as to whether I'm going to disclose it or not tonight) but I'm not sure if it is a particularly rational one. On the one hand, I could say that I'm doing it to keep myself in shape and to make sure that I'm doing a bit of physical exertion every day that isn't lifting my pen or typing. However, on the other hand I know that my reasons are purely narcissistic and whether or not that is healthy I just don't know.

It started out slowly one weekend a few weeks back when I got out my weights and did a few sets of sit-ups, push-ups etc. It had been a while and suffice to say I was burning afterwards despite the fact that the work-out wasn't particularly taxing. If I compare what I'm doing now (almost every day) to what I was doing a few weeks ago it's almost night and day. That's where there is an element of pride in this whole thing for me that provides a strong undercurrent to the vanity purpose. Anyone who has tried to undertake a prolonged period of routine exercise (particularly the kind that can be done at home) will know that it takes a fair bit of willpower to get into that routine. I've had spurts in the past but they usually only last a week and then I go back to getting that beer drinker's stomach hang that we all so dread. This time is different for me and I can only say that I'm proud of myself for keeping it up.

It is my reason for keeping it up that worries me though. I've decided that I might as well say what that reason is tonight because otherwise this post will be left almost incomplete. Those of you that have been reading this year will know that I had a 'crush' (not a particularly masculine past-time it must be admitted) on a girl recently. Although I started on this fitness/vanity drive before I even thought about her, it was that attraction that fueled me to where I am today. As I said before, the reason isn't even rational because a part from the fact it was never going to happen, the chances of anyone (never mind her) seeing the results of my work are minimal. The most people see are my forearms which, although scarily tanned for it being winter, aren't that impressive. Short of me ripping my top off and her being shallow, there was just no solid reason why the fact that I liked her should have spurred me on. What worries me even more is that I'm being delusional now because the continuing nature of my routine suggests that I still like her - mire of frustration and disappointment here I come! 

If someone can provide an answer to this quandary then I would love to here it. The truth is that the only person that sees the results of what I'm doing is me and I guess that should be enough. I hate when people say that they aren't comfortable in their own bodies; they aren't getting a new one any time soon. If they want to change then they have to graft which most people just aren't willing to do. I feel like I've achieved something with my work over the last 3 weeks and I'm going to continue until I get bored with it. My reasons, however, have to be revised somewhat (revised to pure narcissism I guess) or I have to come to terms with potential infatuation - a slippery and undesirable slope.

Thanks for reading tonight and sorry for not posting last night. The gig was brilliant as I expected it would be and I had a great night out overall - go check out The Jezabels on Youtube and also the support band, Blue Sky Archives!

Martin