Waiting for Something to Happen

With little over a month until I return to university I'm trying to find ways to reinvigorate myself. I've been 'out of the game' for a pretty long time and it's starting to play on my mind a little that I'm not going to be able to do it all again. For someone who's confidence more or less only lies with his academic ability it's quite a shock to the system; then again I've suffered from a fear of failure before and this, surely, is no different. So again I find myself sitting here on a Monday night trying to search deep into my psyche to find something to write about that is fresh off the emotional press and this is just about all that I've got going on with me just now. I think that it all comes from having itchy feet - I just want to get back to it again. 

This year (unlike last) I have time to get myself ready to go because I know what to expect, I don't have to do all of that freshers stuff which took a lot out of me last year and everything is familiar to me. I'm  not sure what I'm worried about exactly (meaning I can't quite put my finger on it at the moment) but I guess it's the self-imposed pressure that has been prevalent throughout the exam sitting period of my life. I may well be seen by quite a few people as being lazy but the drive and determination to do well is still there (probably more so than ever actually). I'm just hoping that I can find a route back in to the old flow before it is upon me again.

Recently I've been having those thoughts that must be rife amongst people my age of wanting to do something brilliant with my life. I sometimes worry that I don't have the bottle to get past things that are pretty tough but I always seem to manage it. I think that will always be the secret to success for anyone: no matter how low on confidence you are about your personality, your appearance (which doesn't much matter to me but is paramount to a lot of teenagers) or anything else in your life, so long as you have confidence in your academic ability the rest will follow and you can only do good things with your future. Sometimes I feel that I've got too much confidence in that area and I would love to shift some over to other aspects of me. The sad thing is that I'm training to be a lawyer, not a magician and therefore that is just (at the moment anyway) a dream that will have to sizzle away on the back-burner for a while longer.

Thanks again for reading. I'm not sure if I'll be able to post on Wednesday but I'll try and best and see how it goes!

Martin